PISSING VINEGAR Vol. 20: Arrr, Billy! The Music Piracy Issue Put To Rest At Last
Written March 2002

Okay, here's the situation...

My name is Willie, and I am a criminal. Go ahead, officer. Cuff me, read me my rights and take me downtown. I have selfishly pillaged for too long. I now realize I am a danger to not only myself, but to all musicians as well. I would, however, like to state my defense before you lock me up. I want to plead insanity. Insanity, you ask? Yes... insanity. Because I would have to be crazy to go to a record store and lay down half of my earnings on CDs I may not even like, when I can make the CD myself for a fraction of the price.

Yes, kids, it's time we had this little chat on music piracy. Seems everyone has an opinion on the subject. There are three distinct views on this illegal phenomenon that's swept across the planet faster than the latest Britney/Justin break-up rumour. Depending on who you put your faith in, there are valid points all around. I'll entertain some of those notions, and follow up with my opinion, accompanied by what I think are some pretty good points of my own.

Now, most of the artists (ahem, Metallica), and everyone involved in the recording industry is completely against the download, and maintain that it is a fatal plague beset upon the masses that will drain the music industry of its lifeblood. Hell, I can understand they're scared. Believe it or not, James Hetfield had a great analogy in comparing your average downloader with someone who goes to the butcher's and helps him or herself to a pound of hamburger, then bolts without paying. More on this later.

On the other side of the fence are the militant, anti-establishment hackers and computer geeks who truly believe that their sole purpose in life is to make sure that no one is ever forced to actually pay for an album. I would presume that many of these types are surpressing deep resentment over the fact that they are simply too damn ugly to be rock stars. However, their views are still somewhat valid, though a little too Braveheart sometimes. More on this later.

Then there's the majority, sitting smack dab in the middle of the fence. Your everyday people, if you will, just like you and me (well, like you anyway). We're a mass of confused and flabbergasted folks, unsure what we should believe in. Maybe we should give in to the industry's demands. I mean, how did we get by before Napster? Did anyone question shelling out 20 bucks for that Winger CD then? (I suspect many are questioning that now.) Face it, there's a music purist in all of us. We all remember the incredible feeling the first time we walked out of that record store with that vinyl record or cassette that we had so carefully chosen. We all remember what that album was, and that album is close to our hearts always (for the record, I popped my cherry in 1985 with Dire Straits' 'Brothers In Arms'... ironically enough, I just bought it on CD last week). Sure, it's nice to take advantage of the convenience of paying a paltry $1.39 for a blank CD and creating our own masterpiece, but there's a part of you -- I don't care who you are, there's a part of you -- that yearns to stare at that album cover, to read those liner notes, to peruse that lyric sheet... scanning the phrases for that one perfect line that speaks to you and only you. The truth is, however, that perfect vision of the album experience has been raped and left battered and violated in the alleyway, and the music industry is out on the street yelling for help. We all know the industry's in trouble. The question is, do we want to help?

I know I took the long way around, but here come my personal beliefs on the subject. Being in the music business, this is pretty important shit to me, and I ask your forgiveness if it isn't exactly side-splitting hilarious. But please, read on. Maybe you'll actually agree with some of it.

I see the whole music piracy issue like this... it's alcoholism. When you consume in moderation, I don't see a problem. It's when you let it consume YOU that things get out of hand. It's like this. For whatever reason, I am a music whore, plain and simple. I buy CDs sometimes five or six at a time. I've always had a bit of an obsession with my CD collection, much the same as some people collect stamps or sports cards or rocks. It just so happens that I thrive on having a lot of CDs. However, recently, I've developed a pretty good system, wherein I no longer buy an album on a whim, hoping for a solid album. Mind you, if it's a well-established band that I already like, I have no problem dishing out the bucks, because I have a pretty good idea I'll be satisfied with my purchase. On the flip, when it comes to a new artist that I've heard little about, I prefer to download the album. Now, industry pundits will tell you that this is exactly where the problem lies. I strongly disagree. Yes, I know there are incredible arseholes out there who wouldn't be caught dead in a record store in this downloaded era. But I have a different point of view on the matter. If I download the new Clinic album without having heard a single note, the worst that could happen is I think it sucks, and I'm out the price of a CD-R. On the other hand, if it completely blows my mind, then I'll be apt to make a trip to the record store when their next album comes out. In EITHER event, however, I wouldn't have paid $25 for that first album until I got to sample the goods. What the industry doesn't realize it that download programs can be GOOD for bands. Because if I didn't download that first album, they wouldn't have gotten my support on the next album, and the album after that, and the album after that, and so on. I'm not paying for a concert ticket for a band I've never heard before. I'm not buying their T-shirt. And I'm not recommending them to my friends. In summary of this point, while a new band may take a cut at first, it can be very profitable in the long run, under the right strategy. Unfortunately, record companies have a tendency of dropping a band like a bad habit if they don't win the gold medal in their first race, so some bands can't be helped.

You've got to look at your average music fan here as well. While I'm the kind of guy that will spend upwards of $100 at a record store on any given occasion, not everyone shares that same passion. The average fan doesn't have a weekly allowance of $50 for music. Most people buy less than ten CDs in the run of a year, and that was BEFORE Napster. Who the fuck are we to deny these people's right to test drive the BMW before parking it in their garage? The average music fan in 2002 needs to know they're getting quality. Christ, can you blame them? The music industry has cranked out so many half-assed, dogshit albums in the past ten years, I've questioned my faith in the business several times over. Let's face facts here. You just don't see the classic album very often anymore. And when it does appear, it's kept bubbling under the mainstream, held down by the thick, bubblegum-tinged crud that's cramming the surface. These days, you've got to do your homework. You can't read a paragraph of praise in Rolling Stone and take it as gospel anymore. You've got to play Mulder here, seeking out the truth while a deluge of faceless men in black suits crowd around you, yelling about the musical genius of Linkin Park and Creed. And, goddamn it all to hell, it's working. So many people being led astray by a yes-man media that's capable of so much more than petty cash-grabbing and blatant brainwashing. If you give me an exclusive interview, I'll give you ****1/2. Buy a front page ad, and together, we'll make you go platinum. The industry has become so cluttered with back-room dealing and corporate bullshit, you can't see the chorus for the cheese. Which brings me back to that classic album thing. There are modern classics out there. But you won't read about them in the paper. You won't see them in any kind of regular rotation on Muchmusic. So where do you turn? (Ding) THE INTERNET.
How the fuck do you think Weezer managed a comeback? How did the Strokes and White Stripes get recoginized? That's right, the Internet. It's a wonderful invention that's getting a bad rap because someone has figured out how to take an existing product and make it more accessible, more convenient, before the maunfacturers of said product had the chance to attach a fee. And shutting down Napster isn't going to put an end to the "plague". Establishing pay services isn't going to stop us from finding a way to get it for free. You're just not going to be so keen on slaving over a hot stove all day once you've gotten used to quality meals made in the microwave. Here's an analogy that all you vampires will appreciate: the music industry is a 13th generation Brujah, and it's going up against Kain. They'd be much better served bowing to the Internet's supreme power, chugging a pint of O-Neg and going back to the office before sunrise.

In summation, if you want to download some music, go right ahead. Don't let anyone give you a guilt trip because you're saving a few bucks. Remember, no matter what they tell you, Metallica is not entitled to 10% of your earnings. But if you really like an artist, feel free to show your support by actually buying that album, liner notes and all. Sooner or later, everyone will be at peace again, once the tidal wave of paranoia dies down to a ripple miles offshore. The industry isn't dying because of Win MX and Audiogalaxy, it's dying because of shitty music, and once they figure that out, the good ship will right itself. Oh, and one more thing. When my album comes out, I don't give a fuck if you pay cash, download it from the net, or suck the sound files straight out of my musty ass, as long as it eventually reaches its destination. Not the bank, but your ears. Because that, my friends, is what rock and roll is all about.

Here endeth the ePISSle.