PISSING VINEGAR Vol. 5: Willie Gets His Groove Back
Written September 21, 2001

Okay, here's the situation...

I think we're all in agreeance here... the attacks on the U.S. were horrible. The devastation was unfathomable. And there is a lot of work that needs to be done. As we all know, that work will be quite costly. But where the hell does one start to help? We've been constantly bombarded with phone numbers, websites, e-mails, and basically every kind of media imaginable asking for donations, be it blood, money, whatever they can get.

Now, don't get me wrong. I agree that these appeals are desperately needed, but why so many so fast? It's almost as overwhelming as the disaster itself! How am I supposed to even think about donating any time or money to any one of these funds, when as soon as my cheque is cleared, there are 47 other agencies looking at me as though I burned an American flag on the White House steps?

Now, tonight (that's Friday... the moment may have passed, depending on when you read this) is shaping up to be quite a special night. So many celebrities, from Tom Petty to Tom Cruise, all pleading for your help through the TV on (at last count) 32 television networks. Good luck finding something else on tonight... but alas, I have not reached my points...

1. Who thinks it stops with your phone call or e-mail? The hand that's raised right now is the hand of a bloody fool. This is an infinite cycle, folks. As long as the war on terrorism is waged (and believe me, it's looking like a VERY long time... if the world lasts long enough, that is), there are going to be desperate cries for help.

2. It's virtually a given that many of the "top-notch" celebrities appearing on the telethon aren't even there for the cause. Do you really think Tom Cruise and Julia Roberts are answering phone calls because they're needed? Hell, you could take a thousand folks out of the unemployment line and put all these resources to better use (not to mention get a better job done). Bottom line on this point: Hollywood big shots are just as conniving as they ever were; they're "donating their time" so they can look like a goody-goody, shed a few tears in front of a few billion people, and put a lock on a starring role when the movie's made.

3. Sure, the spirit of Americans has shone through in the last ten days, but it's also painfully clear how ignorace is shaping the Western society. What Americans don't know (or simply didn't want to know) is that terrorist attacks happen EVERY DAY. People die at the hands of terrorists EVERY DAY. And, while previous attacks haven't been of quite this magnitude, terrorism affects too many people around the world EVERY DAY. George W. Bush had better realize this before he spins the planet into armageddon. Terrorism isn't something that affects only America... and terrorism isn't orchestrated by one man. It's a global problem that must be handled with the utmost delicacy. Remember, Mr. President... you can kill the queen bee, but it won't stop her babies from stinging you.

And I haven't even started on the sick fucks who are using a national tragedy as their personal payday. There were people (though I hesitate to call them that) soliciting for "relief funds" MINUTES after the second WTC tower was attacked. The only thing these cock-eating fucks need to relieve is the brains from inside their fucking skulls. Or worse yet, these mondojovial bastards who decided to seize the moment by phoning in a bomb threat to their local school, hospital, or airport. You stupid sick motherfuckers! You're as bad as the pricks who launched the attacks, and you should be sodomized with a glowing red branding iron.

In summation, pledge to help in whatever way you can, but don't let them sink you. And to everyone responsible for the attacks and impending war... choose your actions carefully. Some of us want to keep living.