PISSING VINEGAR Vol. 9: Includes TWO NEW SONGS!!
November 2001

Okay, here's the situation...

What do Radiohead, The Corrs, Jann Arden, Madonna, Green Day, All Saints, the Cure, Barenaked Ladies, Outkast, Limp Bizkit, Blink-182, ABBA, Rage Against The Machine, Deee-Lite, Morrissey, Busta Rhymes, Ricky Martin, Moist, Jay-Z, Collective Soul, Smashing Pumpkins, Blue Rodeo, Sting, David Bowie, Lyle Lovett, KISS and the Backstreet Boys all have in common?

No, the answer isn't "they all suck".

Give up? They're all in the hunt for your holiday season CD-spending dollars. And they're all offering boring, re-hashed bullshit "collections", most of them greatest hits albums, to do it.

Let's get one thing straight right now. Issuing a greatest hits album... or a remix album... or a live album... is 1% catering to your fans and 99% catering to your retirement fund. As such, 1% of these collections we see in our friendly neighbourhood record stores are useful, and the other 99% are completely irrelevant.

I like to assign levels to these compilations. They are as follows...
LEVEL 1 - Bonafide good collections for those who don't have all of the artist's albums
LEVEL 2 - Way too indulgent and/or greed-induced
LEVEL 3 - What in the name of Elvis are you thinking?

Okay, a few of these albums fall under Level 1. It usually happens when an artist doesn't have very good albums on a consistent basis, just one or two gems every couple of years. Best example of this is Lenny Kravitz's Greatest Hits. Of this season's crop, I'd say Madonna and Collective Soul should fare the best. Don't knock Madonna, she's stuck around for 20 years... there must be a reason.

Most collections get grouped into Level 2. It's where it becomes so sickeningly apparent that the only reason this shit is being released is because it's that time of year, and somebody needs crack money. The worst of the lot this year: Blink-182, who have released a "maxi-single" for "I Won't Be Home For Christmas". It's 4 tracks, 3 of which have appeared on previous releases. Rip me off, guys. I have too much money.
Also particularly money-grubbing this year are Radiohead. I had no idea Thom Yorke & co., of all people, would throw something out there for a quick score. They're putting out a live EP. Oh, sure, you release two albums in the span of eight months, and then can't even scrounge up enough material for a full album of concert disc. Guess those boys know when to say when.
We can't say the same for KISS (sorry, Clapper, but you know they deserve it). Five years after embarking on their farewell tour (they toured until this past spring) and countless compilations later, they're set to release a five CD box set, just in time for Christmas. I'd have a lot more respect for these guys if they'd done the tour over one summer, released "Smashes Thrashes & Hits II", and called it a fucking day. But, I suppose, as long as there are adoring (and rich) fans out there, why stop the magic?
My final example of Level 2 shall be Limp Bizkit (now that Wes is gone, limper than ever). Never one to pass up on a few easy bucks, Fred Durst has commandeered some hip-hoppers and DJs to remix Limp Bizkit songs (isn't that a bold and refreshing idea?). And it shall be dubbed "New Old Songs". How clever, Fred. Here's a Milk Bone. Now play in some fucking traffic.

There are many more examples of blatant greed, but I'd rather get right to the nitty gritty... Level 3. This is what happens when a band gets a small taste of success, fades into obscurity, toils in anonymity for a while, and then has the balls to come back with a greatest hits album. And there's a bumper crop of these stinkfests on the horizon. Anyone care to name more than one hit... hell, more than one SONG by Deee-Lite? How about All Saints? Lyle Lovett, anyone? COME ON, YOU FUCKING REJECTS! Jesus Christ al-motherfucking-mighty, these are "artists" that will never be has-beens, simply because they're all never-fucking-weres! Remember when All Saints used to proclaim "I Know Where It's At?" Yeah? Me too. In the bargain bin next to Alannah Myles and A-ha. Next.

God, I wish I could go on about this all fucking day. Alas, I can't. I've got to get back to work, putting the finishing touches on my greatest hits album. Makes a great stocking stuffer!

Here endeth the ePISSle.