Who Says You Can't Go Home Again?
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You're welcome.
September 21, 2004
September 12, 2004
Knock On Wood
Written July 5, 2004
One of few songs that I ended up writing over the summer. As some of the lyrics suggest, I wasn't writing much of anything in the weeks leading up to it, and I started feeling like I was losing the touch altogether. Another love song of sorts, the music for which plays in my head as light and kind of poppy. But with a little rock edge thrown in for street cred. Is that so wrong?
Anyway... I'm hoping that, as trite as this one is, there's still plenty of prose and metaphor lurking in my brain. It was just a case of writer's block, and I've felt it slowly lifting over the past week or so (as evidenced by a couple of new ones posted below).
I know I'm out of ideas when I'm writing about you
You're the crutch that keeps me standing
When I can't grab hold of the rails
I know it's time to pack it in when we're left with the question
"How do we keep it interesting?"
That's how I'll know that I failed
But if we're still in love by the time I grow up
I'm sure that we'll have beat this thing for good
And if we get along well enough for you to show up
Every day is better, knock on wood
Just promise me
Don't wither on me
I won't splinter on you...
I feel it's only fair to say that we're not in the clear yet
No matter how safe, there's danger somewhere
Storm clouds never stay away forever
I feel it's time to strap in and see where this takes us
Be it the bedroom or the belfry
Guess it all depends on the weather
But if we're still in love by the time it clears up
I'm sure that we'll have beat this thing for good
And if we get around indecision when it rears up
Every day we're closer, knock on wood
Just promise me
Don't wither on me
I won't splinter on you...
If we're still in love by the time we've grown up
I'm sure that we'll have beat this thing for good
And if we can survive with our hearts all sewn up
Every day we're better, knock on wood
Every day we're closer, knock on wood
Every day we're less for now, more for good...
Written July 5, 2004
One of few songs that I ended up writing over the summer. As some of the lyrics suggest, I wasn't writing much of anything in the weeks leading up to it, and I started feeling like I was losing the touch altogether. Another love song of sorts, the music for which plays in my head as light and kind of poppy. But with a little rock edge thrown in for street cred. Is that so wrong?
Anyway... I'm hoping that, as trite as this one is, there's still plenty of prose and metaphor lurking in my brain. It was just a case of writer's block, and I've felt it slowly lifting over the past week or so (as evidenced by a couple of new ones posted below).
I know I'm out of ideas when I'm writing about you
You're the crutch that keeps me standing
When I can't grab hold of the rails
I know it's time to pack it in when we're left with the question
"How do we keep it interesting?"
That's how I'll know that I failed
But if we're still in love by the time I grow up
I'm sure that we'll have beat this thing for good
And if we get along well enough for you to show up
Every day is better, knock on wood
Just promise me
Don't wither on me
I won't splinter on you...
I feel it's only fair to say that we're not in the clear yet
No matter how safe, there's danger somewhere
Storm clouds never stay away forever
I feel it's time to strap in and see where this takes us
Be it the bedroom or the belfry
Guess it all depends on the weather
But if we're still in love by the time it clears up
I'm sure that we'll have beat this thing for good
And if we get around indecision when it rears up
Every day we're closer, knock on wood
Just promise me
Don't wither on me
I won't splinter on you...
If we're still in love by the time we've grown up
I'm sure that we'll have beat this thing for good
And if we can survive with our hearts all sewn up
Every day we're better, knock on wood
Every day we're closer, knock on wood
Every day we're less for now, more for good...
Triggerfinger
Written September 6, 2004
Hopefully, this is the last song I'll ever have to write about Bush. A nice, fast, heavy rock song is what I'm thinking here.
You wanna start a revolution, but you know you've got nothing to say
Don't bother looking for solution 'cause the problem's changing every day
Anything for attention, but our interest is lessened
With every empty word you speak
(Chorus)
And though your game is weak, you can't forfeit now
It's too late to say you're sorry, and daddy's not showing you how
No calling off the attack, you should've figured
Thinking is a weapon and our finger's on the trigger
You wanna label me outsider and say I've got no right to speak out
Well I'm a lover and a fighter, and I'd love to smack the taste out your mouth
You're a worldwide infection, but your impact has lessened
Your ship of fools has sprung a leak
Repeat chorus
We can sleep soundly, knowing that we stopped you
Before you did too much damage to repair
Why is it so dumbfounding to hear millions screaming "fuck you"
Did you really think that no one would care?
So just keep on backtracking 'cause you're not very far from the edge
And as you fall we'll be applauding 'cause we sure do love a happy end
You can bring your Smith & Wesson but you know you'll be confessing
You've been shooting blanks since you learned to speak
Written September 6, 2004
Hopefully, this is the last song I'll ever have to write about Bush. A nice, fast, heavy rock song is what I'm thinking here.
You wanna start a revolution, but you know you've got nothing to say
Don't bother looking for solution 'cause the problem's changing every day
Anything for attention, but our interest is lessened
With every empty word you speak
(Chorus)
And though your game is weak, you can't forfeit now
It's too late to say you're sorry, and daddy's not showing you how
No calling off the attack, you should've figured
Thinking is a weapon and our finger's on the trigger
You wanna label me outsider and say I've got no right to speak out
Well I'm a lover and a fighter, and I'd love to smack the taste out your mouth
You're a worldwide infection, but your impact has lessened
Your ship of fools has sprung a leak
Repeat chorus
We can sleep soundly, knowing that we stopped you
Before you did too much damage to repair
Why is it so dumbfounding to hear millions screaming "fuck you"
Did you really think that no one would care?
So just keep on backtracking 'cause you're not very far from the edge
And as you fall we'll be applauding 'cause we sure do love a happy end
You can bring your Smith & Wesson but you know you'll be confessing
You've been shooting blanks since you learned to speak
Cumulus
Written September 8, 2004
A "closing of the chapter", if you will; a final farewell to an old life of stress and an eager glance toward a better tomorrow. All masked as a song about suicide. Too many metaphors to count.
I'm stumbling every step of the way today
I've got these clouds in my head that just won't seem to blow away
It's been so long since I had some sun in this life
Would it be so bad to let it shine this time?
The clock on the wall won't tick any slower for me
And the future's closing in on me and picking up speed
It won't be too long before I make it to another end
Could it be all right? Guess I'll find out then
But it's hard to wait for your maker
Without wanting to know where he's been
And if dying's all it takes to call him home
What's a drop in this bucket of sin?
(Chorus)
A lifetime is over, and so long ago
I never thought I could sink that low
I called the reverend for my last rites, and he said
"Boy, don't you know there ain't no gain being dead?"
Well, I reasoned with him, and it resounded in my head
And now I think dying might at least erase my debt
And it's hard to wait for the answers
When no one wants to know what you've asked
And the denial that I've carried to the edge
I've learned to accept it at last
Repeat chorus
The colors fade, red to black
This soul is mine and I want it back
A lifetime is over, and now I know
How wrong I was to not let this go...
Written September 8, 2004
A "closing of the chapter", if you will; a final farewell to an old life of stress and an eager glance toward a better tomorrow. All masked as a song about suicide. Too many metaphors to count.
I'm stumbling every step of the way today
I've got these clouds in my head that just won't seem to blow away
It's been so long since I had some sun in this life
Would it be so bad to let it shine this time?
The clock on the wall won't tick any slower for me
And the future's closing in on me and picking up speed
It won't be too long before I make it to another end
Could it be all right? Guess I'll find out then
But it's hard to wait for your maker
Without wanting to know where he's been
And if dying's all it takes to call him home
What's a drop in this bucket of sin?
(Chorus)
A lifetime is over, and so long ago
I never thought I could sink that low
I called the reverend for my last rites, and he said
"Boy, don't you know there ain't no gain being dead?"
Well, I reasoned with him, and it resounded in my head
And now I think dying might at least erase my debt
And it's hard to wait for the answers
When no one wants to know what you've asked
And the denial that I've carried to the edge
I've learned to accept it at last
Repeat chorus
The colors fade, red to black
This soul is mine and I want it back
A lifetime is over, and now I know
How wrong I was to not let this go...
So This Is What It's Like To Be An Old Man...
I know, I know... two updates in the same week! What's come over this guy?
Anyway, not much to report... but, I realized that lately it seems like this blog has become more of a music information site and less of a diary-type site. Never one to ignore my feminine side, here's the 411 (remind me NEVER to use that phrase again) on what's been happening with ME.
- Settling in to the new job nicely. Not many problems at all, the biggest being the insane amount of standing I have to do in the run of a day. By my calculations, I spent about 32 hours on my feet this week. And, let me tell you, after sitting on my ass for the vast majority of my last job, the relearning curve has been mighty steep. My feet hurt so fucking badly yesterday that I contemplated sitting on the floor, damn professionalism. But, really, would it be so bad to invest in a stool? Just a little fucking stool? Anyway, I just started trying those little gel heel things in my shoes... haven't noticed dramatic results yet. But, then again, how could I expect to go from excruciating to comfortable just like that? It's like getting anally raped by eleven men with really big dicks, and trying to make a fart with sound. Not that I know what that's like or anything...
- As for the future at work, my co-worker has her school schedule all worked out, and it looks like normal amount of hours for a week should be between 32 and 36. Not quite the 40 I was hoping for, but not a kick in the balls with a hooker's spiked heel. Not that I know what that's like or anything...
- Last night, Carrie and I attended an informal housewarming for Weeks, who has settled into a home with wife, children and dogs. After drinking a monumental three beers, we came home a little before 1am. Wow, did I party down!
- And for the mega-blowout Saturday night, I stayed home and watched the last disc of Futurama Season 3 on DVD. Then, I surfed the net for a while. Then, I typed this.
Now you know why I post a lot about music.
I know, I know... two updates in the same week! What's come over this guy?
Anyway, not much to report... but, I realized that lately it seems like this blog has become more of a music information site and less of a diary-type site. Never one to ignore my feminine side, here's the 411 (remind me NEVER to use that phrase again) on what's been happening with ME.
- Settling in to the new job nicely. Not many problems at all, the biggest being the insane amount of standing I have to do in the run of a day. By my calculations, I spent about 32 hours on my feet this week. And, let me tell you, after sitting on my ass for the vast majority of my last job, the relearning curve has been mighty steep. My feet hurt so fucking badly yesterday that I contemplated sitting on the floor, damn professionalism. But, really, would it be so bad to invest in a stool? Just a little fucking stool? Anyway, I just started trying those little gel heel things in my shoes... haven't noticed dramatic results yet. But, then again, how could I expect to go from excruciating to comfortable just like that? It's like getting anally raped by eleven men with really big dicks, and trying to make a fart with sound. Not that I know what that's like or anything...
- As for the future at work, my co-worker has her school schedule all worked out, and it looks like normal amount of hours for a week should be between 32 and 36. Not quite the 40 I was hoping for, but not a kick in the balls with a hooker's spiked heel. Not that I know what that's like or anything...
- Last night, Carrie and I attended an informal housewarming for Weeks, who has settled into a home with wife, children and dogs. After drinking a monumental three beers, we came home a little before 1am. Wow, did I party down!
- And for the mega-blowout Saturday night, I stayed home and watched the last disc of Futurama Season 3 on DVD. Then, I surfed the net for a while. Then, I typed this.
Now you know why I post a lot about music.
September 10, 2004
A Quick Note For Those Who Like Their Music Heavy And Complicated
Mastodon, a group out of the southern U.S., has just released the best damn metal album I've heard in a long, LONG time. It's called "Leviathan", and is a definate candidate for Album of the Year in my books.
A bastard hybrid of stoner rock, thrash metal and prog rock (yes, all of those, much of the time at once) sets the musical tone behind this loose concept album based on Moby Dick. Yes, THAT Moby Dick. Trust me, you have to hear it to believe it.
Remember earlier in the summer when I was talking about that one band that comes around every year from out of nowhere and blows my fucking mind? In 2004, Mastodon is that band.
What the hell are you still reading this for? Shouldn't you be seeking a tune or two out to preview before sprinting to the record store? I'll give you the heads up; the songs you want to initiate yourself with are "Blood and Thunder" and "Iron Tusk". Go to loudside.com, and do a search. They're good quality, full versions to listen to before you MUST HAVE THIS ALBUM.
Hey, maybe it's just me, but I have a distinct feeling someone reading this (coughrandy) would really enjoy this, or at least appreciate the technical brilliance of this band.
Do it... do it.
Mastodon, a group out of the southern U.S., has just released the best damn metal album I've heard in a long, LONG time. It's called "Leviathan", and is a definate candidate for Album of the Year in my books.
A bastard hybrid of stoner rock, thrash metal and prog rock (yes, all of those, much of the time at once) sets the musical tone behind this loose concept album based on Moby Dick. Yes, THAT Moby Dick. Trust me, you have to hear it to believe it.
Remember earlier in the summer when I was talking about that one band that comes around every year from out of nowhere and blows my fucking mind? In 2004, Mastodon is that band.
What the hell are you still reading this for? Shouldn't you be seeking a tune or two out to preview before sprinting to the record store? I'll give you the heads up; the songs you want to initiate yourself with are "Blood and Thunder" and "Iron Tusk". Go to loudside.com, and do a search. They're good quality, full versions to listen to before you MUST HAVE THIS ALBUM.
Hey, maybe it's just me, but I have a distinct feeling someone reading this (coughrandy) would really enjoy this, or at least appreciate the technical brilliance of this band.
Do it... do it.
September 7, 2004
Obligatory Update
What to say, what to say?
- The big news is something a little birdie told me over the weekend. I've been sworn to secrecy, but what I CAN say is this. When (event I've heard about) officially goes down, myself and at least one person I know by the name of Dok will have a huge fucking cause for celebration.
- With two employees officially off and up out, hours at work are about to become uber-plentiful. I'm scheduled for about 35 this week, and one of my remaining co-workers starts community college next week, with at least six courses to take. Which means, more work for me. And, unlike past jobs, this time I'm so totally up for more work.
In entertainment news...
- Apologies if I mentioned this in my last post, but I'm too lazy to look it up. Apparently, Sony Music is planning a Pearl Jam greatest hits CD. This boils my blood, mainly due to the fact that PJ left Sony late last year. So now, their estranged grabass record label is taking full advantage of partial ownership to make this beloved band seem like sell outs. I'm sure Pearl Jam would not let his happen otherwise. In fact, I'll bet Sony's been chomping at the bit for this cash cow for the last ten years. Enjoy your profits, fuckballs. But, despite owning nearly everything with Pearl Jam's name on it, this is one particular item I can do without in my collection.
- Pulling a 180 and moving on to a rehash that actually MEANS something, Miramax is putting out a 10th Anniversary edition of "Clerks" on DVD September 21st. A hugeass three disc monster of a set (at an MSRP of around $35), this is shaping up to be the must-own DVD of the year. And, for me, a more than fitting way to complete a Kevin Smith collection.
Willie's Current Addictions:
Album: Instruction - God Doesn't Care
Song: Jimmy Eat World - Pain
Drink: Snapple Lime Green Iced Tea
TV: Futurama, Season 3 on DVD
Video game: ESPN NHL 2K5
Website: ebaumsworld.com
Until next time, may your dreams be filled with sleep.
What to say, what to say?
- The big news is something a little birdie told me over the weekend. I've been sworn to secrecy, but what I CAN say is this. When (event I've heard about) officially goes down, myself and at least one person I know by the name of Dok will have a huge fucking cause for celebration.
- With two employees officially off and up out, hours at work are about to become uber-plentiful. I'm scheduled for about 35 this week, and one of my remaining co-workers starts community college next week, with at least six courses to take. Which means, more work for me. And, unlike past jobs, this time I'm so totally up for more work.
In entertainment news...
- Apologies if I mentioned this in my last post, but I'm too lazy to look it up. Apparently, Sony Music is planning a Pearl Jam greatest hits CD. This boils my blood, mainly due to the fact that PJ left Sony late last year. So now, their estranged grabass record label is taking full advantage of partial ownership to make this beloved band seem like sell outs. I'm sure Pearl Jam would not let his happen otherwise. In fact, I'll bet Sony's been chomping at the bit for this cash cow for the last ten years. Enjoy your profits, fuckballs. But, despite owning nearly everything with Pearl Jam's name on it, this is one particular item I can do without in my collection.
- Pulling a 180 and moving on to a rehash that actually MEANS something, Miramax is putting out a 10th Anniversary edition of "Clerks" on DVD September 21st. A hugeass three disc monster of a set (at an MSRP of around $35), this is shaping up to be the must-own DVD of the year. And, for me, a more than fitting way to complete a Kevin Smith collection.
Willie's Current Addictions:
Album: Instruction - God Doesn't Care
Song: Jimmy Eat World - Pain
Drink: Snapple Lime Green Iced Tea
TV: Futurama, Season 3 on DVD
Video game: ESPN NHL 2K5
Website: ebaumsworld.com
Until next time, may your dreams be filled with sleep.
August 28, 2004
New Release
So, yesterday was my first day at the record store in about six months... like riding a bike. It felt like home, in a strange way. I guess it's where I was meant to be.
Hey, while I was there, I realized that a few days ago we had received the brand new CD from Heavy Meadows, which I had no idea existed! Needless to say, I was stoked to pick it up... but, sadly, I had just finished off the till for the day and closed the store when I noticed it. So, I had to wait until today to pick it up.
Anyway, the CD is sounding very good, although it's considerably mellower than their last release (perhaps due to the fact that bassist Jeff Wheaton only plays on three of the album's nine tracks. And, drummer Benn Ross isn't nearly as prominent on the release, considerably subdued throughout most of the tracks (the most notable exception being leadoff track "The Flood", a simply stellar track with all members involved, and well-deserving of being released as the album's first single). It's also kind of short at just over 36 minutes. And, "Grace" is pretty much a slightly faster reprise of "Kine" from the last release, which made me feel just a little cheated. And, the album-closing instrumental "Cymbals And Rain" is short and somewhat processed.
But, in the grand scope, these are all minor qualms that are rewarded for listeners patient enough to explore the album past face value. The production, handled by the band and Steve Outhit, is top notch. And the songwriting (credited nearly entirely to vocalist Virgil Muir and guitarist Seth Timothy) remains strong. Ross' and Wheaton's near-or-definite absence on tracks makes the instances where they show up even more rewarding (again, "The Flood" is a prime example). The album's terse length lends to easy relistening. And, while "Grace" could have been titled "Kine II", it honestly does improve on the original, even if the rhythm section is practically non-existent. And, the forementioned album-closing instrumental doesn't actually close the album; it prefaces a hidden track that matches some of the disc's finest moments.
So, when it's over, the CD strikes me a little bipolar. I like it, particularly "The Flood" and "Providence", for its familiarity. Yet at times, without the strong presence of Wheaton and Ross, it feels like there's a gaping hole in the music. However, when all the pros and cons are weighed, Heavy Meadows do come out with a winner. It's not the startling acheivement their second album was, but it's still well worth the time.
(***1/2)
And while we're on the subject, hit heavymeadows.ca to watch the meds' brand new video for "The Flood". Booyah!
Other random thoughts...
- I also learned during my first day back at work that Sony is planning a Pearl Jam greatest hits CD for release in late September. Now, I can accept the fact that the weather's been a little warm over the past couple of days, but I didn't think it was quite hot enough to make my blood boil... stupid fucking grabass estranged record labels...
- Picked up six tapes for $2 at a yard sale today. Among them? Def Leppard's "Hysteria" (which I desperately hope to find on vinyl eventually), Midnight Oil's "Diesel And Dust", and the immortal Sam Kinison's "Leader of the Banned".
- Why in the blue hell would a fast food restaurant drive-thru employee ask you to pull your car ahead to the stop sign (NOT to a designated delivery parking space... big difference here), and make a fellow employee take your food out to the door for you? That happened to us this morning. We speculated it was because I was smoking, which pissed me off superbly. However, upon getting our meals, I simply pulled ahead to the nearest space, and watched the next car approach the window. I noted that neither driver nor passenger appeared to be smoking. They made them advance, too! What the fuck is going on at Burger King? This is really bugging me.
- I really hate it when I'm trying to do a half-decent update after weeks of silence, and I keep getting interrupted. The phone has rang twice for me, I'm getting distracted by this Heavy Meadows CD, and the landlord yelled in the window, asking me about the strange cat that's been hanging around all day. Here's the deal; where Carrie works, they kept a cat that supposedly got pancaked by a motor vehicle. This morning, as we're leaving the house, she sees this cat in the driveway that looks kind of like this dead cat. So, she decides to bring him inside while she calls her dad. It should be noted at this time that we already have two cats. Anyway, the cat has seen the inside, and now it won't go the fuck away. It probably thinks we owe it a home, or something. Regardless, Carrie's now pretty sure this is not the dead cat from her workplace. Whew, the last thing we needed was a purring fucking poltergeist. Now, all we have to do is find this cat's owner (because no one in their right mind pays to have a stray cat neutered).
- Speaking of which, Randall's balls and claws have been removed. Unsurprisingly, his behavioral problems have been proven to be in his big head, rather than the little one. Bastard. Although, it's somewhat amusing having this strange cat outside yowling. It's pure torture for Randall and, in a sick way, I enjoy it.
- Oh, and PJ is elated, now that the playing field has been evened, so to speak. Their fights are much more entertaining now.
- Never rent a movie that boasts itself as the "unrated version you couldn't see in theatres". This, inevitably, means one of two things. Everyone but the smoking hot star of the movie is getting naked and/or all they cut out were shots of cock and balls.
- Green Day - "American Idiot": I smell comeback.
- Prodigy - "Girls": I smell sellout.
- Korn - "Word Up": I smell burned toast.
- The end.
So, yesterday was my first day at the record store in about six months... like riding a bike. It felt like home, in a strange way. I guess it's where I was meant to be.
Hey, while I was there, I realized that a few days ago we had received the brand new CD from Heavy Meadows, which I had no idea existed! Needless to say, I was stoked to pick it up... but, sadly, I had just finished off the till for the day and closed the store when I noticed it. So, I had to wait until today to pick it up.
Anyway, the CD is sounding very good, although it's considerably mellower than their last release (perhaps due to the fact that bassist Jeff Wheaton only plays on three of the album's nine tracks. And, drummer Benn Ross isn't nearly as prominent on the release, considerably subdued throughout most of the tracks (the most notable exception being leadoff track "The Flood", a simply stellar track with all members involved, and well-deserving of being released as the album's first single). It's also kind of short at just over 36 minutes. And, "Grace" is pretty much a slightly faster reprise of "Kine" from the last release, which made me feel just a little cheated. And, the album-closing instrumental "Cymbals And Rain" is short and somewhat processed.
But, in the grand scope, these are all minor qualms that are rewarded for listeners patient enough to explore the album past face value. The production, handled by the band and Steve Outhit, is top notch. And the songwriting (credited nearly entirely to vocalist Virgil Muir and guitarist Seth Timothy) remains strong. Ross' and Wheaton's near-or-definite absence on tracks makes the instances where they show up even more rewarding (again, "The Flood" is a prime example). The album's terse length lends to easy relistening. And, while "Grace" could have been titled "Kine II", it honestly does improve on the original, even if the rhythm section is practically non-existent. And, the forementioned album-closing instrumental doesn't actually close the album; it prefaces a hidden track that matches some of the disc's finest moments.
So, when it's over, the CD strikes me a little bipolar. I like it, particularly "The Flood" and "Providence", for its familiarity. Yet at times, without the strong presence of Wheaton and Ross, it feels like there's a gaping hole in the music. However, when all the pros and cons are weighed, Heavy Meadows do come out with a winner. It's not the startling acheivement their second album was, but it's still well worth the time.
(***1/2)
And while we're on the subject, hit heavymeadows.ca to watch the meds' brand new video for "The Flood". Booyah!
Other random thoughts...
- I also learned during my first day back at work that Sony is planning a Pearl Jam greatest hits CD for release in late September. Now, I can accept the fact that the weather's been a little warm over the past couple of days, but I didn't think it was quite hot enough to make my blood boil... stupid fucking grabass estranged record labels...
- Picked up six tapes for $2 at a yard sale today. Among them? Def Leppard's "Hysteria" (which I desperately hope to find on vinyl eventually), Midnight Oil's "Diesel And Dust", and the immortal Sam Kinison's "Leader of the Banned".
- Why in the blue hell would a fast food restaurant drive-thru employee ask you to pull your car ahead to the stop sign (NOT to a designated delivery parking space... big difference here), and make a fellow employee take your food out to the door for you? That happened to us this morning. We speculated it was because I was smoking, which pissed me off superbly. However, upon getting our meals, I simply pulled ahead to the nearest space, and watched the next car approach the window. I noted that neither driver nor passenger appeared to be smoking. They made them advance, too! What the fuck is going on at Burger King? This is really bugging me.
- I really hate it when I'm trying to do a half-decent update after weeks of silence, and I keep getting interrupted. The phone has rang twice for me, I'm getting distracted by this Heavy Meadows CD, and the landlord yelled in the window, asking me about the strange cat that's been hanging around all day. Here's the deal; where Carrie works, they kept a cat that supposedly got pancaked by a motor vehicle. This morning, as we're leaving the house, she sees this cat in the driveway that looks kind of like this dead cat. So, she decides to bring him inside while she calls her dad. It should be noted at this time that we already have two cats. Anyway, the cat has seen the inside, and now it won't go the fuck away. It probably thinks we owe it a home, or something. Regardless, Carrie's now pretty sure this is not the dead cat from her workplace. Whew, the last thing we needed was a purring fucking poltergeist. Now, all we have to do is find this cat's owner (because no one in their right mind pays to have a stray cat neutered).
- Speaking of which, Randall's balls and claws have been removed. Unsurprisingly, his behavioral problems have been proven to be in his big head, rather than the little one. Bastard. Although, it's somewhat amusing having this strange cat outside yowling. It's pure torture for Randall and, in a sick way, I enjoy it.
- Oh, and PJ is elated, now that the playing field has been evened, so to speak. Their fights are much more entertaining now.
- Never rent a movie that boasts itself as the "unrated version you couldn't see in theatres". This, inevitably, means one of two things. Everyone but the smoking hot star of the movie is getting naked and/or all they cut out were shots of cock and balls.
- Green Day - "American Idiot": I smell comeback.
- Prodigy - "Girls": I smell sellout.
- Korn - "Word Up": I smell burned toast.
- The end.
August 24, 2004
August 11, 2004
The News
So, it can now be made official... I am hours away from giving my two weeks' notice at ICT. Around August 27th or so, I will once again be employed at the local record store. This time around, I have been offered between 30-32 hours per week (as opposed to 8-20 last year), and possibly the title of assistant manager. With the hourly wage difference, it doesn't add up to much more money than I make at ICT, but, I've decided to make the move for a variety of reasons.
a) Job security... By taking this job, while I may not get much richer, at least I know I'll have a job in October. The way I see it, with the steady decline in hours, it's only a matter of time before more layoffs hit my current place of work. Call it leaving a sinking ship, if you will.
b) Mental well-being... Anybody who knows me will tell you I'm a music lover above all else. That said, I will be MUCH happier working steady at the record store, rather than sitting in front of a computer, listening to telephone conversations all day. It's not a stressful job by any stretch, but I've never been a big fan of cubicles. Simply put, working at the record store is just more "me".
c) Physical well-being... Since starting at ICT, with a few weird shifts thrown in to disrupt my sleep patterns, getting 2 to 3 hours of sleep at night hasn't been that uncommon. By working consistently at more normal hours of the day, I suspect this will be rectified, thus allowing me more consistent rest, ergo I feel better.
d) Financial well-being... kind of... At ICT, I never know if I'll be working 40 hours or 14. It's pretty difficult to pay bills consistently when you have no idea how much money you'll have next week. With the new job, there isn't much variance from week to week; the schedule is set in advance, and you work a full scheduled shift every time, with no worries of being sent home for lack of work to do. I will have a good idea what I'll be making every time. This makes it much easier to plan things, such as how much money should be taken per pay by the credit union. It'll also give social services a much more solid estimate of my income, so they can finish the readjustment of child support payments that has kept them baffled for the past two months. It's an announcement, loud and clear to them that no... there will be no windfall, I am not getting a raise or winning the lottery, it is safe to lower the payments and allow us all to get on with our fucking lives.
So, yeah. I feel pretty good about this. I know it won't make me rich, but at least it'll make me happy. And, to me, that counts for something.
So, it can now be made official... I am hours away from giving my two weeks' notice at ICT. Around August 27th or so, I will once again be employed at the local record store. This time around, I have been offered between 30-32 hours per week (as opposed to 8-20 last year), and possibly the title of assistant manager. With the hourly wage difference, it doesn't add up to much more money than I make at ICT, but, I've decided to make the move for a variety of reasons.
a) Job security... By taking this job, while I may not get much richer, at least I know I'll have a job in October. The way I see it, with the steady decline in hours, it's only a matter of time before more layoffs hit my current place of work. Call it leaving a sinking ship, if you will.
b) Mental well-being... Anybody who knows me will tell you I'm a music lover above all else. That said, I will be MUCH happier working steady at the record store, rather than sitting in front of a computer, listening to telephone conversations all day. It's not a stressful job by any stretch, but I've never been a big fan of cubicles. Simply put, working at the record store is just more "me".
c) Physical well-being... Since starting at ICT, with a few weird shifts thrown in to disrupt my sleep patterns, getting 2 to 3 hours of sleep at night hasn't been that uncommon. By working consistently at more normal hours of the day, I suspect this will be rectified, thus allowing me more consistent rest, ergo I feel better.
d) Financial well-being... kind of... At ICT, I never know if I'll be working 40 hours or 14. It's pretty difficult to pay bills consistently when you have no idea how much money you'll have next week. With the new job, there isn't much variance from week to week; the schedule is set in advance, and you work a full scheduled shift every time, with no worries of being sent home for lack of work to do. I will have a good idea what I'll be making every time. This makes it much easier to plan things, such as how much money should be taken per pay by the credit union. It'll also give social services a much more solid estimate of my income, so they can finish the readjustment of child support payments that has kept them baffled for the past two months. It's an announcement, loud and clear to them that no... there will be no windfall, I am not getting a raise or winning the lottery, it is safe to lower the payments and allow us all to get on with our fucking lives.
So, yeah. I feel pretty good about this. I know it won't make me rich, but at least it'll make me happy. And, to me, that counts for something.
August 6, 2004
My Life For The Past Week in 25 Words Or Less
(okay, maybe more)
- Saw the kids for the first time in nearly five months this past Sunday. It was mind blowing in that they still call me "daddy", especially Ryan (he's 3, and I figured by now he wouldn't have had a clue who I am). Although Taya was quick to point out that she has a "second daddy". Expected. Hurtful, but expected. A visitation schedule must be worked out.
- Enjoyed a four day weekend, but worked New Brunswick Day. "Double time and a half" is all the incentive I needed. For once, I may get a decent paycheck.
- Speaking of work, it's looking more and more like I'll be switching professions again. More on that if/when it becomes official.
- Carrie's 27th birthday is Saturday. We're having a party, and it's sure to be a great time, affording me the luxury of actually drinking (I swear to Christ, I haven't had a drop of alcohol in over a month).
- She's really excited about this weekend, but I'm a little nervous about it. That's because my $91 paycheck doesn't allow for present shopping (especially when you factor in that the credit union will be looking for $100 of it... yes, I did the math too. And yes, I want to vomit). This is the reason I'm staying up extra late tonight (who the fuck am I kidding? I'm up extra late EVERY night these days). I figure I'll go to the bank machine before the grabasses open their doors, sneak out the cash, and go to the mall this morning. Sure, I'll be even further in the hole, but at this point the bottom has to be close. And, when her friends ask her what I got her for her birthday, she'll be able to give an answer other than "a hug".
- Recently heard the new Green Day track, "American Idiot". A return to form for the boys and I, for one, am happy to see them smacking Good Charlotte into their place. Alas, the album probably won't sell for shit, because the mallcore "punks" foolishly think it's the other way around.
- Echoing Carrie's blog post... "The Village" is a really good flick. If you like a good old fashioned mindfuck, pack your lube and get in line, biatch.
- Is that 25 words yet?
(okay, maybe more)
- Saw the kids for the first time in nearly five months this past Sunday. It was mind blowing in that they still call me "daddy", especially Ryan (he's 3, and I figured by now he wouldn't have had a clue who I am). Although Taya was quick to point out that she has a "second daddy". Expected. Hurtful, but expected. A visitation schedule must be worked out.
- Enjoyed a four day weekend, but worked New Brunswick Day. "Double time and a half" is all the incentive I needed. For once, I may get a decent paycheck.
- Speaking of work, it's looking more and more like I'll be switching professions again. More on that if/when it becomes official.
- Carrie's 27th birthday is Saturday. We're having a party, and it's sure to be a great time, affording me the luxury of actually drinking (I swear to Christ, I haven't had a drop of alcohol in over a month).
- She's really excited about this weekend, but I'm a little nervous about it. That's because my $91 paycheck doesn't allow for present shopping (especially when you factor in that the credit union will be looking for $100 of it... yes, I did the math too. And yes, I want to vomit). This is the reason I'm staying up extra late tonight (who the fuck am I kidding? I'm up extra late EVERY night these days). I figure I'll go to the bank machine before the grabasses open their doors, sneak out the cash, and go to the mall this morning. Sure, I'll be even further in the hole, but at this point the bottom has to be close. And, when her friends ask her what I got her for her birthday, she'll be able to give an answer other than "a hug".
- Recently heard the new Green Day track, "American Idiot". A return to form for the boys and I, for one, am happy to see them smacking Good Charlotte into their place. Alas, the album probably won't sell for shit, because the mallcore "punks" foolishly think it's the other way around.
- Echoing Carrie's blog post... "The Village" is a really good flick. If you like a good old fashioned mindfuck, pack your lube and get in line, biatch.
- Is that 25 words yet?
July 24, 2004
Helmet - Size Matters Pre-review, song by song
As I reported the other day, Helmet's new album (their first in seven years, slated for September release) is already floating around online, and I managed to snag a copy for myself.
I'll set up the review with a small tidbit... as I was online last night, Randy Ross (drummer, gNosh) signed onto Messenger. We talked for a while, and a good chunk of the conversation was regarding this new Helmet CD. See, I consider myself somewhat of a fan, but Randy is HARDCORE! Sadly, he's stuck on dial-up for now, so I thought I'd be nice and transfer the first track, "Smart", to him. 45 minutes later, it was downloaded, and he pressed play. The next message to appear in my window was "OH MY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", give or take an excalmation mark or two.
That was kind of my reaction to "Smart" as well. But, something was nagging me. Was I reacting this way because it was so mind-numbingly good as to reduce me to curse words followed by dozens of exclamation marks? Or, was I reacting this way simply because I was listening to a brand new Helmet song?
In order to give "Size Matters" is due, it should be noted that only Page Hamilton has appeared on previous Helmet releases (guitarist Chris Traynor toured with Helmet in support of "Aftertaste", but wasn't on record). Joining him on this album, in addition to Traynor, is virtual all-star John Tempesta (most notably skinsman for White / Rob Zombie and Testament) on drums (Traynor also played bass for the record, but the bassist slot is now filled by Frank Bello, formerly of Anthrax. Skepticism abounds, as whenever the original members are AWOL, it starts to smack of "Page Hamilton solo record". But, in a sense, the previous three were too (though, admittedly, the rhythm section of Henry Bogdan and John Stanier was quite able).
Which brings us to "Size Matters", and the rock music contained within its 40 minutes of playing time.
The salvo is the aforementioned "Smart", a straightforward, off-time riff fest that promises greatness. But then, Hamilton starts singing, and it becomes confusing. His somewhat monotone tenor of past releases has been ditched in favor of a gruff, scratchy growl. It's the biggest shock on the album, as it becomes clear quickly that Page has been working on some different styles. And when he croons on the chorus before launching into a semi-possessed howl, it's abundantly clear that "Size Matters" will not be "Meantime II" by any stretch.
The rest of the album's ten tracks tread all kinds of territory; and not much of it is familiar, Hamilton instead taking Helmet's sound away from the minions of soundalikes that have worn out their welcomes on rock radio. "Crashing Foreign Cars", for example, is probably the heaviest song Helmet has ever recorded, bordering on punk rock (and the melodies in the chorus will stick in your head in a hurry).
Then, there's rumored first single, "See You Dead", a tongue-in-cheek (?) stalker tale with a swinging swagger that seems to channel Queens of the Stone Age and Charles Manson simultaneously. Throughout, Hamilton seethes, his vocal style bordering on maniacal. Though, again, there's honest-to-God melody to save it from being overly creepy. We'll touch on the subject matter a little later.
Next is "Drug Lord", one of the closest returns to familiar territory we're going to find. By which I mean it's like an old Helmet song, except slower, darker, and with a shitload more melody (oh, and there's a smoking guitar solo). You know, come to think of it, this is nothing like old Helmet. But it's extremely fucking good.
Another dirgy tune follows in the form of "Enemy", with its basic drop-D riff and weird little squeals that drop of into a reverbed abyss. In the verses, Hamilton almost whispers (something we hardly ever hear) before the chorus bombasts the listener with (here's that word again) melody. Another great moment near the end of the track, with the just-barely audible "oohs" that flow into the chorus.
Next is the only other example of a song on the album that immediately reminds me of another band. "Unwound" plays out like a Foo Fighters song (at least, for the intro). It then turns into yet another hook-filled rock track that I pray will be played on the radio. Again, I must stress the melodies, as they're all over the fucking place. It's a simple component of music that plays on this record like a long-lost friend.
When the pace picks up again on track 7 ("Everybody Loves You"), it comes off as kind of startling considering the trio of mid/slow tempo tracks that preceeded. And, again, Hamilton's growl is in effect (and, again, there's sprinkles of melody to polish off the menace in his voice).
Next is the piece de resistance, a fantastic rock song by the name of "Surgery". The verse riffing , while remniscent of past Helmet glory, takes a back seat to Hamilton's vocals, which are melodic (how many times can I mention melody in this review)? And, without giving away too much, the chorus might just be the greatest we'll hear this year.
It's hard to follow up a stellar track like that, but the old college try is given on "Speak And Spell". Melodic riffing caves into a metallic crunch for the verses, but Hamilton's vocals are, once again... you know. The chorus has a sing-along quality and melody (said it again) that makes a damn fine runner-up for "Surgery".
The tenth track is probably the most Helmet-like on the album (this time, I mean it... I think), with its tasty riff, gruff growl, and off-time drums, with a few weird sounds thrown in for good measure. In fact, it's all you've come to expect from a Helmet song... until the strangely melodic chorus kicks in. Then, it's more.
Closing proceedings is "Last Breath", which is honestly the most Helmet-like song on the album, the only differentials from past albums are Helmet's voice, alternating from his tenor croon to his maniacal growl, and the screaming guitar solo. It plays as a sort of reprise to "See You Dead", lyrically speaking. But, then again, there's lyrical theme covering the whole album, that I'll now address.
After the aural assault of "Size Matters", if you read the lyric sheet, it damn well looks like a concept album. Here's the story in a nutshell... keep in mind that it's only my interpretation.
Smart - A drunken man picks up an easy chick at a bar and proceeds to have a one-night stand. Sample lyric: "Tonight could be / Kept between you and me / I don't need to know your name"
Crashing Foriegn Cars - The man later finds out that the woman was cheating, though she swears she wants to make a relationship work with him. He degrades himself for falling into her love trap, and cites his failures as a reason for breaking it off. Sample lyric: "There's a sucker born every other minute, Lord / And he deserves you more / You know I'll only crash this car"
See You Dead - Strangely, the man becomes obsessed with the woman, who's gone back to her old boyfriend. Losing grip, he begins to stalk her, and fantasizes about killing her. Sample lyric: "I'm a threat now / Are you scared? / It's just murder / At least you know I care"
Drug Lord - The man goes into denial, dismissing his feelings, and tries to convince himself that she is no good. Meanwhile, his mind continues to slip. Sample lyric: "I'd fake my death before I let you in / I am removed / There's nothing left to prove"
Enemies - Having aired out their feelings (possibly in a confrontation), it's made clear that they can never go back to the way they were. Sample lyric: "I know what you need / I can't tell you lies / And we'll be enemies / The soul is satisfied"
Unwound - Realizing that he is, in fact, in love with her, the man convinces himself that she is only pretending not to love him, and figures she'll come back in time, possibly out of concern for his well-being. Sample lyric: "So darling, you're starting now / I'll give you time / So darling, you're worrying / I'll be alright"
Everybody Loves You - Growing impatient, the man resumes stalking, and pleads for her to see things his way (to no avail). Sample lyric: Now your mood is not so good / You don't know what you're after"
Surgery - Resentful at her for making him feel this way, the stalking escalates to the point that he is doing it purely to make her feel as uncomfortable as he is. Sample lyric: "Are you falling down? / 'Cause I can't help you now / Now you see how it feels"
Speak And Spell - Furious, impatient, and slipping even further mentally, the man begins to target her boyfriend with verbal assaults. Sample lyric: "I want to know he's dumb / And he's miserable"
Throwing Punches - It all comes to a head. Convinced that she is unpure and undeserving of life, he breaks into her house, and a physical and/or emotional confrontation ensues. Sample lyric: "It's unreal / She'll tell you what you want to hear / Feel her infection / Touch you and you rot"
Last Breath - In the final chapter the woman, kidnapped and brought to the man's house, is tortured and killed. "You're so worked up / This torture is paying off ... Your last breath on earth is / All I can take"
And there you have it. Underneath a magnificent musical accomplishment a disturbing, misogynistic tale of love, revenge and murder. Again, it's only my interpretation, and it could be way off. Regardless, the subject matter is (in my opinion) only a light tarnish on the blinding, glorious sheen of the metal base that holds it.
"Size Matters" is in stores on September 14. If you're intrigued by this review, I strongly urge you to pick this album up. Whether you're an old school fan of the band like Randy & I, or a new recruit, Helmet has returned, and surpassed, their glory days on an album that puts all of the copycats they influenced firmly into their place.
(****1/2)
As I reported the other day, Helmet's new album (their first in seven years, slated for September release) is already floating around online, and I managed to snag a copy for myself.
I'll set up the review with a small tidbit... as I was online last night, Randy Ross (drummer, gNosh) signed onto Messenger. We talked for a while, and a good chunk of the conversation was regarding this new Helmet CD. See, I consider myself somewhat of a fan, but Randy is HARDCORE! Sadly, he's stuck on dial-up for now, so I thought I'd be nice and transfer the first track, "Smart", to him. 45 minutes later, it was downloaded, and he pressed play. The next message to appear in my window was "OH MY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", give or take an excalmation mark or two.
That was kind of my reaction to "Smart" as well. But, something was nagging me. Was I reacting this way because it was so mind-numbingly good as to reduce me to curse words followed by dozens of exclamation marks? Or, was I reacting this way simply because I was listening to a brand new Helmet song?
In order to give "Size Matters" is due, it should be noted that only Page Hamilton has appeared on previous Helmet releases (guitarist Chris Traynor toured with Helmet in support of "Aftertaste", but wasn't on record). Joining him on this album, in addition to Traynor, is virtual all-star John Tempesta (most notably skinsman for White / Rob Zombie and Testament) on drums (Traynor also played bass for the record, but the bassist slot is now filled by Frank Bello, formerly of Anthrax. Skepticism abounds, as whenever the original members are AWOL, it starts to smack of "Page Hamilton solo record". But, in a sense, the previous three were too (though, admittedly, the rhythm section of Henry Bogdan and John Stanier was quite able).
Which brings us to "Size Matters", and the rock music contained within its 40 minutes of playing time.
The salvo is the aforementioned "Smart", a straightforward, off-time riff fest that promises greatness. But then, Hamilton starts singing, and it becomes confusing. His somewhat monotone tenor of past releases has been ditched in favor of a gruff, scratchy growl. It's the biggest shock on the album, as it becomes clear quickly that Page has been working on some different styles. And when he croons on the chorus before launching into a semi-possessed howl, it's abundantly clear that "Size Matters" will not be "Meantime II" by any stretch.
The rest of the album's ten tracks tread all kinds of territory; and not much of it is familiar, Hamilton instead taking Helmet's sound away from the minions of soundalikes that have worn out their welcomes on rock radio. "Crashing Foreign Cars", for example, is probably the heaviest song Helmet has ever recorded, bordering on punk rock (and the melodies in the chorus will stick in your head in a hurry).
Then, there's rumored first single, "See You Dead", a tongue-in-cheek (?) stalker tale with a swinging swagger that seems to channel Queens of the Stone Age and Charles Manson simultaneously. Throughout, Hamilton seethes, his vocal style bordering on maniacal. Though, again, there's honest-to-God melody to save it from being overly creepy. We'll touch on the subject matter a little later.
Next is "Drug Lord", one of the closest returns to familiar territory we're going to find. By which I mean it's like an old Helmet song, except slower, darker, and with a shitload more melody (oh, and there's a smoking guitar solo). You know, come to think of it, this is nothing like old Helmet. But it's extremely fucking good.
Another dirgy tune follows in the form of "Enemy", with its basic drop-D riff and weird little squeals that drop of into a reverbed abyss. In the verses, Hamilton almost whispers (something we hardly ever hear) before the chorus bombasts the listener with (here's that word again) melody. Another great moment near the end of the track, with the just-barely audible "oohs" that flow into the chorus.
Next is the only other example of a song on the album that immediately reminds me of another band. "Unwound" plays out like a Foo Fighters song (at least, for the intro). It then turns into yet another hook-filled rock track that I pray will be played on the radio. Again, I must stress the melodies, as they're all over the fucking place. It's a simple component of music that plays on this record like a long-lost friend.
When the pace picks up again on track 7 ("Everybody Loves You"), it comes off as kind of startling considering the trio of mid/slow tempo tracks that preceeded. And, again, Hamilton's growl is in effect (and, again, there's sprinkles of melody to polish off the menace in his voice).
Next is the piece de resistance, a fantastic rock song by the name of "Surgery". The verse riffing , while remniscent of past Helmet glory, takes a back seat to Hamilton's vocals, which are melodic (how many times can I mention melody in this review)? And, without giving away too much, the chorus might just be the greatest we'll hear this year.
It's hard to follow up a stellar track like that, but the old college try is given on "Speak And Spell". Melodic riffing caves into a metallic crunch for the verses, but Hamilton's vocals are, once again... you know. The chorus has a sing-along quality and melody (said it again) that makes a damn fine runner-up for "Surgery".
The tenth track is probably the most Helmet-like on the album (this time, I mean it... I think), with its tasty riff, gruff growl, and off-time drums, with a few weird sounds thrown in for good measure. In fact, it's all you've come to expect from a Helmet song... until the strangely melodic chorus kicks in. Then, it's more.
Closing proceedings is "Last Breath", which is honestly the most Helmet-like song on the album, the only differentials from past albums are Helmet's voice, alternating from his tenor croon to his maniacal growl, and the screaming guitar solo. It plays as a sort of reprise to "See You Dead", lyrically speaking. But, then again, there's lyrical theme covering the whole album, that I'll now address.
After the aural assault of "Size Matters", if you read the lyric sheet, it damn well looks like a concept album. Here's the story in a nutshell... keep in mind that it's only my interpretation.
Smart - A drunken man picks up an easy chick at a bar and proceeds to have a one-night stand. Sample lyric: "Tonight could be / Kept between you and me / I don't need to know your name"
Crashing Foriegn Cars - The man later finds out that the woman was cheating, though she swears she wants to make a relationship work with him. He degrades himself for falling into her love trap, and cites his failures as a reason for breaking it off. Sample lyric: "There's a sucker born every other minute, Lord / And he deserves you more / You know I'll only crash this car"
See You Dead - Strangely, the man becomes obsessed with the woman, who's gone back to her old boyfriend. Losing grip, he begins to stalk her, and fantasizes about killing her. Sample lyric: "I'm a threat now / Are you scared? / It's just murder / At least you know I care"
Drug Lord - The man goes into denial, dismissing his feelings, and tries to convince himself that she is no good. Meanwhile, his mind continues to slip. Sample lyric: "I'd fake my death before I let you in / I am removed / There's nothing left to prove"
Enemies - Having aired out their feelings (possibly in a confrontation), it's made clear that they can never go back to the way they were. Sample lyric: "I know what you need / I can't tell you lies / And we'll be enemies / The soul is satisfied"
Unwound - Realizing that he is, in fact, in love with her, the man convinces himself that she is only pretending not to love him, and figures she'll come back in time, possibly out of concern for his well-being. Sample lyric: "So darling, you're starting now / I'll give you time / So darling, you're worrying / I'll be alright"
Everybody Loves You - Growing impatient, the man resumes stalking, and pleads for her to see things his way (to no avail). Sample lyric: Now your mood is not so good / You don't know what you're after"
Surgery - Resentful at her for making him feel this way, the stalking escalates to the point that he is doing it purely to make her feel as uncomfortable as he is. Sample lyric: "Are you falling down? / 'Cause I can't help you now / Now you see how it feels"
Speak And Spell - Furious, impatient, and slipping even further mentally, the man begins to target her boyfriend with verbal assaults. Sample lyric: "I want to know he's dumb / And he's miserable"
Throwing Punches - It all comes to a head. Convinced that she is unpure and undeserving of life, he breaks into her house, and a physical and/or emotional confrontation ensues. Sample lyric: "It's unreal / She'll tell you what you want to hear / Feel her infection / Touch you and you rot"
Last Breath - In the final chapter the woman, kidnapped and brought to the man's house, is tortured and killed. "You're so worked up / This torture is paying off ... Your last breath on earth is / All I can take"
And there you have it. Underneath a magnificent musical accomplishment a disturbing, misogynistic tale of love, revenge and murder. Again, it's only my interpretation, and it could be way off. Regardless, the subject matter is (in my opinion) only a light tarnish on the blinding, glorious sheen of the metal base that holds it.
"Size Matters" is in stores on September 14. If you're intrigued by this review, I strongly urge you to pick this album up. Whether you're an old school fan of the band like Randy & I, or a new recruit, Helmet has returned, and surpassed, their glory days on an album that puts all of the copycats they influenced firmly into their place.
(****1/2)
July 20, 2004
I Love Surprises!
I guess I've been asleep for the last month or so, because while visiting my usual download site today I noticed a Helmet album called "Size Matters". Figuring it was a crappy bootleg, I decided to look it up on Google before downloading. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that it's not a bootleg but, in fact, a brand spanking new Helmet album!
Those of you hard rock/metal fans who haven't heard of Helmet would be well served to pick up a copy of "Meantime" by any means necessary. Then you can also freak the fuck out at the fact that these guys are about to release their first album in seven years. Reported official street date is slated for September 14, if you're not one of those pirate assholes like me. I'll let you know what it's like in a day or nine. Arrrr!
I guess I've been asleep for the last month or so, because while visiting my usual download site today I noticed a Helmet album called "Size Matters". Figuring it was a crappy bootleg, I decided to look it up on Google before downloading. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that it's not a bootleg but, in fact, a brand spanking new Helmet album!
Those of you hard rock/metal fans who haven't heard of Helmet would be well served to pick up a copy of "Meantime" by any means necessary. Then you can also freak the fuck out at the fact that these guys are about to release their first album in seven years. Reported official street date is slated for September 14, if you're not one of those pirate assholes like me. I'll let you know what it's like in a day or nine. Arrrr!
July 16, 2004
Experiment A Success!
Meant to post sooner, but it kind of slipped my mind. Anyway, after going to the hospital on Wednesday, I was shocked to find that the doctor on duty actually seemed to give two shits about my neck. He even asked a few questions about it, got me to touch my toes and shit, and prescribed a muscle relaxer. Not quite what I was going for, but at least I wasn't shrugged off this time.
It goes to show you, folks... the more like a yuppie you look, the better service you'll get. Try dressing like a slob for a week, go to a bunch of stores and such, and take note of the service. Then, the next week, repeat the process in a polo shirt and some nice beige slacks. See how much better you're treated? That's because, though no one will admit their prejudices, the class system is still fully fucking functional, and if you're not "upper", you're not shit.
Happy trails.
Meant to post sooner, but it kind of slipped my mind. Anyway, after going to the hospital on Wednesday, I was shocked to find that the doctor on duty actually seemed to give two shits about my neck. He even asked a few questions about it, got me to touch my toes and shit, and prescribed a muscle relaxer. Not quite what I was going for, but at least I wasn't shrugged off this time.
It goes to show you, folks... the more like a yuppie you look, the better service you'll get. Try dressing like a slob for a week, go to a bunch of stores and such, and take note of the service. Then, the next week, repeat the process in a polo shirt and some nice beige slacks. See how much better you're treated? That's because, though no one will admit their prejudices, the class system is still fully fucking functional, and if you're not "upper", you're not shit.
Happy trails.
July 14, 2004
Attack of the Pinched Nerve II
This time... it's business casual
Yes, the pain in my neck that plagued me for about a month last year has returned. Some of you may recall the ordeal I went through last year when I went to the hospital in hopes of a solution to the problem. Those of you who aren't familiar with these details can read up on it in the Pissing Vinegar entitled "The Pinched Nerve That Became A Social Commentary" somewhere on this site. The Coles notes: I went to the hospital at 4am after being unable to sleep. Dressed in a quickly thrown together ensemble, I threw on a ball cap and left. When the "doctor" saw me, I'm convinced he saw a pill junkie looking for a fix, and practically turned me away at the door.
Anyway, I'm off to the hospital again. Only this time, I just stepped out of the shower, put on a pair of cargos and a golf shirt. I thought that, since I have the opportunity, I might as well have a little experiment in terror. My guess is that, this time, I may get more than a random list of home remedies as a cure to what ails me.
I'll let you know what happens, if and when I get back.
This time... it's business casual
Yes, the pain in my neck that plagued me for about a month last year has returned. Some of you may recall the ordeal I went through last year when I went to the hospital in hopes of a solution to the problem. Those of you who aren't familiar with these details can read up on it in the Pissing Vinegar entitled "The Pinched Nerve That Became A Social Commentary" somewhere on this site. The Coles notes: I went to the hospital at 4am after being unable to sleep. Dressed in a quickly thrown together ensemble, I threw on a ball cap and left. When the "doctor" saw me, I'm convinced he saw a pill junkie looking for a fix, and practically turned me away at the door.
Anyway, I'm off to the hospital again. Only this time, I just stepped out of the shower, put on a pair of cargos and a golf shirt. I thought that, since I have the opportunity, I might as well have a little experiment in terror. My guess is that, this time, I may get more than a random list of home remedies as a cure to what ails me.
I'll let you know what happens, if and when I get back.
July 13, 2004
Hollywood Is Officially Out Of Ideas
There's a movie coming out soon called "Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle". From imdb.com, the "plot" is as follows...
"Two twenty-something stoner roommates -- one a Korean American investment banker; the other an Indian American medical school candidate -- go through a life changing journey, as they spend a night roaming the state of New Jersey in search of White Castle hamburgers."
They actually fucking made this! Hell, why don't I make a movie chronicling the epic struggle between me and my shit after I ate that no-name bean burrito? I call it "Willie Gets Raging Diarrhea". Get your tickets now!
There's a movie coming out soon called "Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle". From imdb.com, the "plot" is as follows...
"Two twenty-something stoner roommates -- one a Korean American investment banker; the other an Indian American medical school candidate -- go through a life changing journey, as they spend a night roaming the state of New Jersey in search of White Castle hamburgers."
They actually fucking made this! Hell, why don't I make a movie chronicling the epic struggle between me and my shit after I ate that no-name bean burrito? I call it "Willie Gets Raging Diarrhea". Get your tickets now!
July 7, 2004
Random Thoughts
(aka A Lame Excuse For An Update)
This is probably the closest you're going to get to a PV this year...
* I think it's time for you to pick up the new Tragically Hip album, "In Between Evolution". What's that? You already have? Then you know it's so good, you've got to buy another copy.
* What's better than No Name Teriyaki style rice in the microwave? No Name Teriyaki style rice in the microwave with shredded mozzarella mixed in, of course.
* Nickelback still sucks.
* So, the guitarist from Creed already has a new band. Guess what? They sound like Creed... although, minus that drunken pompous ass Stapp singing. So, they're already better than Creed.
* Am I the only one not surprised by Mary-Kate Olsen's entry into rehab? I mean, sweet fucking Christ, are people that gullible these days? Oh my God! A former child star with a coke addiction and an eating disorder! That's NEVER happened!
* Here's the scenario... you're living in a normal neighborhood, beside a normal neighbor. And, though you haven't become friends with this particular neighbor yet, you'll gladly smile and wave as you see him watering the lawn or waxing his Mustang. Then, all of a sudden, you wake up one morning to find your really expensive tool set missing. Ironically enough, your neighbor has been spending a lot more time in his garage working on stuff. Armed with this knowledge, do you... A.) March your ass over there and take back what's yours? Or B.) Ask him if you can build that treehouse for him while he relaxes on the patio with a cold one. If you chose option B, that's kind of like what my job's like right now. I'd go into details, but suffice to say, I'm too busy building fucking treehouses. Oh well, at least I don't have to worry about working more than 25 hours a week to get it built.
* Speaking of which, about a month ago they laid five people off where I work. I figure if the axe falls again, I'll be bleeding in its wake, so I've made a point to show a little attitude over there while I can. That way, if I get canned, I'll at least be able to convince myself that there was a reason, unlike my last termination.
* And, ending on a downer (yay!), family services in Miramichi recently decided that (though I couldn't have possibly been behind more than a couple hundred dollars in my child support payments) they were going to start garnishing $50 per week directly from my paycheck to go toward child support. This came mere days after receiving a letter from the Woodstock office, asking me to call so an agreement could be reached. Typical government warfare on the common man... all of this coinciding with the most recent cut in hours at work. So, basically, with in excess of $200 per week already owed toward my bills, these fat cats decided they wanted a chunk. The problem is, with the lost hours at work, I'm rarely left with much more than $100 each Friday after the government takes their "fair" share. Basic math: what's 100 minus 200?
Surprisingly enough, the credit union (to whom $100 a week is to be paid on a loan) has been completely understanding in my plight, and have even gone so far as to not take their payments (they usually do, automatically, before I see a cent of my check) for the past three weeks. To which I say, get these fucking people seats in the legislature!
Anyway, when I called Woodstock family services, they asked me to fax a pay stub, so they could do some number crunching, and rework my monthly child support payments. I sent the fax, then did the math myself and, based on my current wages, the rate would drop from approximately $140 a month to approximately $60 a month. Which is probably why, though they placed much urgency on receiving my call, nearly three weeks has passed with no decision from their end. I guess they're planning on waiting it out until I win the lottery or something. Meanwhile, my weekly pay continues to come up $50 short every week, when we could have started a more reasonable payment system a couple of weeks ago. Of course, if that were to happen, I may not have to worry about having my car repossessed, failing to come up with rent, having to move back to Blackville without a vehicle (and, thus, no means by which to travel 45 minutes a day each way to work), losing my job, and not having the cash to pay child support. My tax dollars at work.
Incidentally enough, I haven't seen my children in almost four months. This, despite being told not long ago that plans were in place to have the kids brought to see me every two weeks come the end of the school year. Well, school's been out for almost a month, and I still haven't gotten so much as an email outlining said plan. It's not like I expected anything, though. In the nearly two years since they moved to Woodstock, Taya and Ryan have never (at least to my knowledge) been anywhere close to this area. That poses a big problem for me. And, the minute the support payments are straightened out, I'll certainly be looking into this matter with great focus.
(aka A Lame Excuse For An Update)
This is probably the closest you're going to get to a PV this year...
* I think it's time for you to pick up the new Tragically Hip album, "In Between Evolution". What's that? You already have? Then you know it's so good, you've got to buy another copy.
* What's better than No Name Teriyaki style rice in the microwave? No Name Teriyaki style rice in the microwave with shredded mozzarella mixed in, of course.
* Nickelback still sucks.
* So, the guitarist from Creed already has a new band. Guess what? They sound like Creed... although, minus that drunken pompous ass Stapp singing. So, they're already better than Creed.
* Am I the only one not surprised by Mary-Kate Olsen's entry into rehab? I mean, sweet fucking Christ, are people that gullible these days? Oh my God! A former child star with a coke addiction and an eating disorder! That's NEVER happened!
* Here's the scenario... you're living in a normal neighborhood, beside a normal neighbor. And, though you haven't become friends with this particular neighbor yet, you'll gladly smile and wave as you see him watering the lawn or waxing his Mustang. Then, all of a sudden, you wake up one morning to find your really expensive tool set missing. Ironically enough, your neighbor has been spending a lot more time in his garage working on stuff. Armed with this knowledge, do you... A.) March your ass over there and take back what's yours? Or B.) Ask him if you can build that treehouse for him while he relaxes on the patio with a cold one. If you chose option B, that's kind of like what my job's like right now. I'd go into details, but suffice to say, I'm too busy building fucking treehouses. Oh well, at least I don't have to worry about working more than 25 hours a week to get it built.
* Speaking of which, about a month ago they laid five people off where I work. I figure if the axe falls again, I'll be bleeding in its wake, so I've made a point to show a little attitude over there while I can. That way, if I get canned, I'll at least be able to convince myself that there was a reason, unlike my last termination.
* And, ending on a downer (yay!), family services in Miramichi recently decided that (though I couldn't have possibly been behind more than a couple hundred dollars in my child support payments) they were going to start garnishing $50 per week directly from my paycheck to go toward child support. This came mere days after receiving a letter from the Woodstock office, asking me to call so an agreement could be reached. Typical government warfare on the common man... all of this coinciding with the most recent cut in hours at work. So, basically, with in excess of $200 per week already owed toward my bills, these fat cats decided they wanted a chunk. The problem is, with the lost hours at work, I'm rarely left with much more than $100 each Friday after the government takes their "fair" share. Basic math: what's 100 minus 200?
Surprisingly enough, the credit union (to whom $100 a week is to be paid on a loan) has been completely understanding in my plight, and have even gone so far as to not take their payments (they usually do, automatically, before I see a cent of my check) for the past three weeks. To which I say, get these fucking people seats in the legislature!
Anyway, when I called Woodstock family services, they asked me to fax a pay stub, so they could do some number crunching, and rework my monthly child support payments. I sent the fax, then did the math myself and, based on my current wages, the rate would drop from approximately $140 a month to approximately $60 a month. Which is probably why, though they placed much urgency on receiving my call, nearly three weeks has passed with no decision from their end. I guess they're planning on waiting it out until I win the lottery or something. Meanwhile, my weekly pay continues to come up $50 short every week, when we could have started a more reasonable payment system a couple of weeks ago. Of course, if that were to happen, I may not have to worry about having my car repossessed, failing to come up with rent, having to move back to Blackville without a vehicle (and, thus, no means by which to travel 45 minutes a day each way to work), losing my job, and not having the cash to pay child support. My tax dollars at work.
Incidentally enough, I haven't seen my children in almost four months. This, despite being told not long ago that plans were in place to have the kids brought to see me every two weeks come the end of the school year. Well, school's been out for almost a month, and I still haven't gotten so much as an email outlining said plan. It's not like I expected anything, though. In the nearly two years since they moved to Woodstock, Taya and Ryan have never (at least to my knowledge) been anywhere close to this area. That poses a big problem for me. And, the minute the support payments are straightened out, I'll certainly be looking into this matter with great focus.
A Moment Of Silence...
I have noticed that the old Emporium is now, officially, wiped from the face of the interweb. Which is kind of ironic since, with the new computer, Java is supported... which means I could have updated it now.
Oh well, these cozy confines will do nicely.
P.S. Enjoy the new look, without links or guestbook. Who needs 'em?
I have noticed that the old Emporium is now, officially, wiped from the face of the interweb. Which is kind of ironic since, with the new computer, Java is supported... which means I could have updated it now.
Oh well, these cozy confines will do nicely.
P.S. Enjoy the new look, without links or guestbook. Who needs 'em?
July 4, 2004
PATRIOT ACTOR
Written right now, through the eyes of the average American
Let's get furious, let's get serious for once
We've got every right to sound the alarm
The whole family's walking wounded
But daddy swears he means us no harm
Wear your pride at half mast, your glory 'round your ankles
One eye on the bush, the other on the sky
Red alerts, our tax dollars at work
We're all scared and no one knows why
Happy Fourth of July
Sure, not the most lengthy or cohesive work I've ever done, but what did you expect me to write on the spot, War and Peace?
Written right now, through the eyes of the average American
Let's get furious, let's get serious for once
We've got every right to sound the alarm
The whole family's walking wounded
But daddy swears he means us no harm
Wear your pride at half mast, your glory 'round your ankles
One eye on the bush, the other on the sky
Red alerts, our tax dollars at work
We're all scared and no one knows why
Happy Fourth of July
Sure, not the most lengthy or cohesive work I've ever done, but what did you expect me to write on the spot, War and Peace?
July 3, 2004
Willie's Top 40
For the week ending July 2, 2004
LW TW Artist - Title
-----------------------------------------
01 01 Velvet Revolver - Slither
03 02 Incubus - Talk Shows On Mute
06 03 Bad Religion - Los Angeles Is Burning
02 04 Clutch - The Mob Goes Wild
08 05 Beastie Boys - Ch-Check It Out
05 06 Thornley - So Far So Good
04 07 Powderfinger - On My Mind
10 08 Seether - Broken
13 09 Billy Talent - River Below
12 10 Auf der Maur - Followed The Waves
07 11 The Offspring - (Can't Get My) Head Around You
11 12 Amen - California's Bleeding
15 13 The Darkness - Growing On Me
17 14 Matthew Good - Alert Status Red
09 15 Hoobastank - The Reason
20 16 Steriogram - Walkie Talkie Man
24 17 The Tragically Hip - Summer's Killing Us
14 18 Jay-Z - 99 Problems
18 19 Lenny Kravitz - Where Are We Runnin'?
21 20 New Found Glory - All Downhill From Here
16 21 Jet - Cold Hard Bitch
22 22 Local H - California Songs
19 23 A Perfect Circle - The Outsider
26 24 Division Of Laura Lee - Does Compute
27 25 Slipknot - Duality
30 26 Finger Eleven - Stay In Shadow
33 27 Van Halen - It's About Time
23 28 Lostprophets - Last Train Home
31 29 Fountains Of Wayne - Hey Julie
35 30 Butch Walker - Mixtape
34 31 Lacuna Coil - Swamped
36 32 Monster Magnet - Unbroken (Hotel Baby)
37 33 The Hives - Walk Idiot Walk
29 34 Brand New - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
38 35 Waking Eyes - Watch Your Money
25 36 The Trews - Not Ready To Go
NE 37 Ministry - No W
32 38 The Mars Volta - Televators
40 39 Hatebreed - Live For This
28 40 Secret Machines - Sad And Lonely
ON RADAR:
-------------
The Trews - Tired Of Waiting
Secret Machines - Nowhere Again
311 - First Straw
Lostprophets - Wake Up (Make A Move)
Jet - Rollover DJ
Hoobastank - Same Direction
Burning Brides - Heart Full Of Black
Future Leaders Of The World - Let Me Out
Rush - Summertime Blues
The Weakerthans - The Reasons
The Icarus Line - Up Against The Wall
Breach of Trust - Edge Of Summer
Matt Mays - Where Am I Going
For the week ending July 2, 2004
LW TW Artist - Title
-----------------------------------------
01 01 Velvet Revolver - Slither
03 02 Incubus - Talk Shows On Mute
06 03 Bad Religion - Los Angeles Is Burning
02 04 Clutch - The Mob Goes Wild
08 05 Beastie Boys - Ch-Check It Out
05 06 Thornley - So Far So Good
04 07 Powderfinger - On My Mind
10 08 Seether - Broken
13 09 Billy Talent - River Below
12 10 Auf der Maur - Followed The Waves
07 11 The Offspring - (Can't Get My) Head Around You
11 12 Amen - California's Bleeding
15 13 The Darkness - Growing On Me
17 14 Matthew Good - Alert Status Red
09 15 Hoobastank - The Reason
20 16 Steriogram - Walkie Talkie Man
24 17 The Tragically Hip - Summer's Killing Us
14 18 Jay-Z - 99 Problems
18 19 Lenny Kravitz - Where Are We Runnin'?
21 20 New Found Glory - All Downhill From Here
16 21 Jet - Cold Hard Bitch
22 22 Local H - California Songs
19 23 A Perfect Circle - The Outsider
26 24 Division Of Laura Lee - Does Compute
27 25 Slipknot - Duality
30 26 Finger Eleven - Stay In Shadow
33 27 Van Halen - It's About Time
23 28 Lostprophets - Last Train Home
31 29 Fountains Of Wayne - Hey Julie
35 30 Butch Walker - Mixtape
34 31 Lacuna Coil - Swamped
36 32 Monster Magnet - Unbroken (Hotel Baby)
37 33 The Hives - Walk Idiot Walk
29 34 Brand New - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
38 35 Waking Eyes - Watch Your Money
25 36 The Trews - Not Ready To Go
NE 37 Ministry - No W
32 38 The Mars Volta - Televators
40 39 Hatebreed - Live For This
28 40 Secret Machines - Sad And Lonely
ON RADAR:
-------------
The Trews - Tired Of Waiting
Secret Machines - Nowhere Again
311 - First Straw
Lostprophets - Wake Up (Make A Move)
Jet - Rollover DJ
Hoobastank - Same Direction
Burning Brides - Heart Full Of Black
Future Leaders Of The World - Let Me Out
Rush - Summertime Blues
The Weakerthans - The Reasons
The Icarus Line - Up Against The Wall
Breach of Trust - Edge Of Summer
Matt Mays - Where Am I Going
June 26, 2004
BLEED NO MORE
Written June 18, 2004
Why the fuck do I keep writing anti-war, anti-Bush songs? Why the fuck aren't the American troops home with their families? This one is a flat out, pump-your-fist and fight punk song. I even envisioned it with the harmonized "ohhh-ohhh"s in the chorus. I so want to record this bad boy.
There's a firestorm lighting up the sky tonight
Where there used to be the Milky Way
Now the heavens above are nowhere in sight
Man, I sure do miss their company
But we paid for these bombs, and the chance may never come again
But, really, what's there to defend? So I...
(Chorus:)
Wonder what is the point in war?
What the fuck are we fighting for?
I only hope all this pain will wash away
And we will bleed no more
Well, I wrote enough letters to the government
To know that nobody's listening to what I say
And freedom of expression kind of came and went
When I'd thought that we'd come such a long way
So if we pay with our lives, is this a reasonable cost for revenge?
How many pints of blood to spend 'til you...
Repeat chorus
There's a sun on the horizon
There's a son in a bodybag
Pack up the tanks, fill up the banks and then
Wait 'til it's time to save the world again...
Repeat chorus
ALRIGHT, ALREADY
Written June 19, 2004
An homage to the bands that will never die, and a warning to all the bands that desperately want to sound like Alexisonfire. Naturally, the chorus was written to have blood-curdling screaming serving as vocals.
Upon writing this one, I came upon a realization that I have officially reached my peak, and started fading out of "hip" territory. Lots of kids love screamo, but I think of most of it as noise. Alas, when my kids become teens, they will likely stare at me blankly, dumbfounded as to why I can't stand this fantastic new music they're into.
Welcome to the funeral of what was rock and roll
Gather 'round the grave, kick some dirt into the hole
We've come here to entomb, and we've come here to let go
We've come to bring eternal rest to Buddy Holly's soul
We gave birth to a kicking, screaming monster
And now it's swallowed us whole
(Chorus:)
Alright, already, I'm ready, I'm ready
Put me into the ground, keep it slow, keep it steady
Eulogize another trend we'll soon be forgetting
When the screaming stops, a whisper's all you're getting
Welcome to the dawn of another dying fad
If you think this shit is cool, just go ask your mom and dad
They can tell you 'bout The Who, Led Zeppelin and The Clash
And if you never even knew, let me tell you that they kicked ass
One day you'll give your children your CD's
And they'll throw them in the trash
Repeat chorus
One day these records will be measured
Against the classics as a string of guilty pleasures
I'm trying to keep relevant, but I can't keep my mouth shut
Who am I kidding? I'm just a trendy pop slut...
Written June 18, 2004
Why the fuck do I keep writing anti-war, anti-Bush songs? Why the fuck aren't the American troops home with their families? This one is a flat out, pump-your-fist and fight punk song. I even envisioned it with the harmonized "ohhh-ohhh"s in the chorus. I so want to record this bad boy.
There's a firestorm lighting up the sky tonight
Where there used to be the Milky Way
Now the heavens above are nowhere in sight
Man, I sure do miss their company
But we paid for these bombs, and the chance may never come again
But, really, what's there to defend? So I...
(Chorus:)
Wonder what is the point in war?
What the fuck are we fighting for?
I only hope all this pain will wash away
And we will bleed no more
Well, I wrote enough letters to the government
To know that nobody's listening to what I say
And freedom of expression kind of came and went
When I'd thought that we'd come such a long way
So if we pay with our lives, is this a reasonable cost for revenge?
How many pints of blood to spend 'til you...
Repeat chorus
There's a sun on the horizon
There's a son in a bodybag
Pack up the tanks, fill up the banks and then
Wait 'til it's time to save the world again...
Repeat chorus
ALRIGHT, ALREADY
Written June 19, 2004
An homage to the bands that will never die, and a warning to all the bands that desperately want to sound like Alexisonfire. Naturally, the chorus was written to have blood-curdling screaming serving as vocals.
Upon writing this one, I came upon a realization that I have officially reached my peak, and started fading out of "hip" territory. Lots of kids love screamo, but I think of most of it as noise. Alas, when my kids become teens, they will likely stare at me blankly, dumbfounded as to why I can't stand this fantastic new music they're into.
Welcome to the funeral of what was rock and roll
Gather 'round the grave, kick some dirt into the hole
We've come here to entomb, and we've come here to let go
We've come to bring eternal rest to Buddy Holly's soul
We gave birth to a kicking, screaming monster
And now it's swallowed us whole
(Chorus:)
Alright, already, I'm ready, I'm ready
Put me into the ground, keep it slow, keep it steady
Eulogize another trend we'll soon be forgetting
When the screaming stops, a whisper's all you're getting
Welcome to the dawn of another dying fad
If you think this shit is cool, just go ask your mom and dad
They can tell you 'bout The Who, Led Zeppelin and The Clash
And if you never even knew, let me tell you that they kicked ass
One day you'll give your children your CD's
And they'll throw them in the trash
Repeat chorus
One day these records will be measured
Against the classics as a string of guilty pleasures
I'm trying to keep relevant, but I can't keep my mouth shut
Who am I kidding? I'm just a trendy pop slut...
Viva La Vinyl!
Before you say yard sales are for welfare recipients and junk hoarders, consider this; over the past week, I have picked up the following VINYL albums at yard sales...
RUSH - Archives (basically, Rush's first three albums)
RUSH - Exit... Stage Left (double live album)
FLEETWOOD MAC - Rumours
THE POLICE - Ghost In the Machine
THE POLICE - Synchronicity
QUEEN - The Game
QUEEN - News Of The World
MEAT LOAF - Bat Out Of Hell
PETER FRAMPTON - Frampton Comes Alive!
NAZARETH - Greatest Hits
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN - The River (double album)
JOHN LENNON & YOKO ONO - Double Fantasy
SUPERTRAMP - Breakfast In America
KISS - Love Gun
TROOPER - Hot Shots
BLONDIE - Parallel Lines
OZZY OSBOURNE - Diary Of A Madman
GARY NUMAN - The Pleasure Principle (yes, the one with "Cars")
JOHN COUGAR - American Fool
ROLLING STONES - Greatest Hits Vol. I (a TV-advertised best of, featuring lots of the big ones)
Grand total? $4.20. Not too shabby, huh?
Also picked up a case of 30 cassettes, including some good ol' cock rock (Skid Row, Def Leppard, Motley Crue, Poison, The Cult, Alice Cooper, Ratt, Ugly Kid Joe, Extreme, G n'R), early grunge (TWO Pixies tapes, Odds, Bootsauce, Rollins Band, Screaming Trees and Pearl Jam's "Ten"... if I get it on vinyl I'll have it in all three major formats...), a few true classics (Beatles' "Abbey Road" for one), as well as a few so bad they must be owned (Technotronic, Digital Underground, Naughty By Nature) and a few for Carrie (NKOTB, Radikal Techno, and "Rap It Up", a K-Tel style mix featuring Maestro Fresh-Wes, MC Hammer and Sir Mix-a-lot among others).
Grand total? $3.00.
So, the music collections a group of random people likely invested hundreds of dollars into, I raped and pillaged for about seven bucks. Now... wanna go yard saling next Saturday?
ADDENDUM: So, after listening to one of my Rush albums, I'm pleasantly surprised to find an ORIGINAL KISS "Rock And Roll Over" sticker, unpeeled! Jesus Crow, I wonder what THIS'll fetch on eBay?
Before you say yard sales are for welfare recipients and junk hoarders, consider this; over the past week, I have picked up the following VINYL albums at yard sales...
RUSH - Archives (basically, Rush's first three albums)
RUSH - Exit... Stage Left (double live album)
FLEETWOOD MAC - Rumours
THE POLICE - Ghost In the Machine
THE POLICE - Synchronicity
QUEEN - The Game
QUEEN - News Of The World
MEAT LOAF - Bat Out Of Hell
PETER FRAMPTON - Frampton Comes Alive!
NAZARETH - Greatest Hits
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN - The River (double album)
JOHN LENNON & YOKO ONO - Double Fantasy
SUPERTRAMP - Breakfast In America
KISS - Love Gun
TROOPER - Hot Shots
BLONDIE - Parallel Lines
OZZY OSBOURNE - Diary Of A Madman
GARY NUMAN - The Pleasure Principle (yes, the one with "Cars")
JOHN COUGAR - American Fool
ROLLING STONES - Greatest Hits Vol. I (a TV-advertised best of, featuring lots of the big ones)
Grand total? $4.20. Not too shabby, huh?
Also picked up a case of 30 cassettes, including some good ol' cock rock (Skid Row, Def Leppard, Motley Crue, Poison, The Cult, Alice Cooper, Ratt, Ugly Kid Joe, Extreme, G n'R), early grunge (TWO Pixies tapes, Odds, Bootsauce, Rollins Band, Screaming Trees and Pearl Jam's "Ten"... if I get it on vinyl I'll have it in all three major formats...), a few true classics (Beatles' "Abbey Road" for one), as well as a few so bad they must be owned (Technotronic, Digital Underground, Naughty By Nature) and a few for Carrie (NKOTB, Radikal Techno, and "Rap It Up", a K-Tel style mix featuring Maestro Fresh-Wes, MC Hammer and Sir Mix-a-lot among others).
Grand total? $3.00.
So, the music collections a group of random people likely invested hundreds of dollars into, I raped and pillaged for about seven bucks. Now... wanna go yard saling next Saturday?
ADDENDUM: So, after listening to one of my Rush albums, I'm pleasantly surprised to find an ORIGINAL KISS "Rock And Roll Over" sticker, unpeeled! Jesus Crow, I wonder what THIS'll fetch on eBay?
June 24, 2004
WILLIE'S TOP 40
For the week ending June 25, 2004
LW TW ARTIST: TITLE
-- -- --------------------------------
02 01 VELVET REVOLVER: Slither
01 02 CLUTCH: The Mob Goes Wild
05 03 INCUBUS: Talk Shows On Mute
03 04 POWDERFINGER: On My Mind
06 05 THORNLEY: So Far So Good
08 06 BAD RELIGION: Los Angeles Is Burning
04 07 THE OFFSPRING: (Can't Get My) Head Around You
10 08 BEASTIE BOYS: Ch-Check It Out
07 09 HOOBASTANK: The Reason
13 10 SEETHER: Broken
11 11 AMEN: California's Bleeding
14 12 AUF DER MAUR: Followed The Waves
17 13 BILLY TALENT: River Below
09 14 JAY-Z: 99 Problems
16 15 THE DARKNESS: Growing On Me
12 16 JET: Cold Hard Bitch
21 17 MATTHEW GOOD: Alert Status Red
18 18 LENNY KRAVITZ: Where Are We Runnin'?
15 19 A PERFECT CIRCLE: The Outsider
24 20 STERIOGRAM: Walkie Talkie Man
23 21 NEW FOUND GLORY: All Downhill From Here
22 22 LOCAL H: California Songs
19 23 LOSTPROPHETS: Last Train Home
29 24 THE TRAGICALLY HIP: Summer's Killing Us
20 25 THE TREWS: Not Ready To Go
27 26 DIVISION OF LAURA LEE: Does Compute
30 27 SLIPKNOT: Duality
28 28 SECRET MACHINES: Sad And Lonely
25 29 BRAND NEW: Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
33 30 FINGER ELEVEN: Stay In Shadow
32 31 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE: Hey Julie
26 32 THE MARS VOLTA: Televators
36 33 VAN HALEN: It's About Time
35 34 LACUNA COIL: Swamped
39 35 BUTCH WALKER: Mixtape
38 36 MONSTER MAGNET: Unbroken (Hotel Baby)
NE 37 THE HIVES: Walk Idiot Walk
NE 38 WAKING EYES: Watch Your Money
31 39 THE VINES: Ride
NE 40 HATEBREED: Live For This
For the week ending June 25, 2004
LW TW ARTIST: TITLE
-- -- --------------------------------
02 01 VELVET REVOLVER: Slither
01 02 CLUTCH: The Mob Goes Wild
05 03 INCUBUS: Talk Shows On Mute
03 04 POWDERFINGER: On My Mind
06 05 THORNLEY: So Far So Good
08 06 BAD RELIGION: Los Angeles Is Burning
04 07 THE OFFSPRING: (Can't Get My) Head Around You
10 08 BEASTIE BOYS: Ch-Check It Out
07 09 HOOBASTANK: The Reason
13 10 SEETHER: Broken
11 11 AMEN: California's Bleeding
14 12 AUF DER MAUR: Followed The Waves
17 13 BILLY TALENT: River Below
09 14 JAY-Z: 99 Problems
16 15 THE DARKNESS: Growing On Me
12 16 JET: Cold Hard Bitch
21 17 MATTHEW GOOD: Alert Status Red
18 18 LENNY KRAVITZ: Where Are We Runnin'?
15 19 A PERFECT CIRCLE: The Outsider
24 20 STERIOGRAM: Walkie Talkie Man
23 21 NEW FOUND GLORY: All Downhill From Here
22 22 LOCAL H: California Songs
19 23 LOSTPROPHETS: Last Train Home
29 24 THE TRAGICALLY HIP: Summer's Killing Us
20 25 THE TREWS: Not Ready To Go
27 26 DIVISION OF LAURA LEE: Does Compute
30 27 SLIPKNOT: Duality
28 28 SECRET MACHINES: Sad And Lonely
25 29 BRAND NEW: Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
33 30 FINGER ELEVEN: Stay In Shadow
32 31 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE: Hey Julie
26 32 THE MARS VOLTA: Televators
36 33 VAN HALEN: It's About Time
35 34 LACUNA COIL: Swamped
39 35 BUTCH WALKER: Mixtape
38 36 MONSTER MAGNET: Unbroken (Hotel Baby)
NE 37 THE HIVES: Walk Idiot Walk
NE 38 WAKING EYES: Watch Your Money
31 39 THE VINES: Ride
NE 40 HATEBREED: Live For This
June 22, 2004
HATE IS BACK IN STYLE
Written June 22, 2004
For George, and the thousands he's sent to death's door.
This one's going out to the deceased
Who faded without glory
While the burning effigies of peace
Cast shadows on the true life story
If your brother dies for freedom
How does he get out of purgatory?
This one's going to hurt like a bitch
When the shock and awe are over
Caravans of carcasses line the ditch
As the general plays red rover
It's a bad day for pacifists
But it's a great day for voters
(Chorus:)
Did I just see you smile, my friend?
As the podium sports a brand new crack
It looks like hate's in style again, but then
You're the one who brought it back
How to explain the toll you've taken
Daddy's bringing home the bacon by the coffinload
This one's going out to the families
Shrinking with each rebuilding
We'll never cover up the damage
Or mask the scent of the killing
It's a bad day for optimists
Your glass has just stopped filling
Repeat chorus
The cries of the dead will never be stifled
Even by the bombast of twenty-one rifles...
Written June 22, 2004
For George, and the thousands he's sent to death's door.
This one's going out to the deceased
Who faded without glory
While the burning effigies of peace
Cast shadows on the true life story
If your brother dies for freedom
How does he get out of purgatory?
This one's going to hurt like a bitch
When the shock and awe are over
Caravans of carcasses line the ditch
As the general plays red rover
It's a bad day for pacifists
But it's a great day for voters
(Chorus:)
Did I just see you smile, my friend?
As the podium sports a brand new crack
It looks like hate's in style again, but then
You're the one who brought it back
How to explain the toll you've taken
Daddy's bringing home the bacon by the coffinload
This one's going out to the families
Shrinking with each rebuilding
We'll never cover up the damage
Or mask the scent of the killing
It's a bad day for optimists
Your glass has just stopped filling
Repeat chorus
The cries of the dead will never be stifled
Even by the bombast of twenty-one rifles...
June 17, 2004
ALL THAT REMAINS
Written June 17, 2004
A song birthed from a frustrated place, about life, and how it just never stops.
I want to hurt a little while
Just to help me feel normal again
This life is pain, they're saying
And I am living it to the fullest
So would you help me with this rope
Maybe give a little tug when it's nice and snug
And then, just before I fade
You can reel me in and cut me down
And if happiness is a drug
Then I'm clean, I'm clean
And you're lying when you shrug
'Cause you know what I mean...
You're always there to keep me safe
Whenever peril rains down on my head
But those clouds are nearly black now
And I have never felt more dangerous
If I had to sum up in a song
What I feel, the whole deal
This is it, this is all that remains
So sing along before I'm gone
(Chorus:)
Pull me out of the wreckage
But push me away before I heal
Keep me alive, but I'm barely here
I'm barely here
We can't dwell on the last time
There's always a next time lurking...
Written June 17, 2004
A song birthed from a frustrated place, about life, and how it just never stops.
I want to hurt a little while
Just to help me feel normal again
This life is pain, they're saying
And I am living it to the fullest
So would you help me with this rope
Maybe give a little tug when it's nice and snug
And then, just before I fade
You can reel me in and cut me down
And if happiness is a drug
Then I'm clean, I'm clean
And you're lying when you shrug
'Cause you know what I mean...
You're always there to keep me safe
Whenever peril rains down on my head
But those clouds are nearly black now
And I have never felt more dangerous
If I had to sum up in a song
What I feel, the whole deal
This is it, this is all that remains
So sing along before I'm gone
(Chorus:)
Pull me out of the wreckage
But push me away before I heal
Keep me alive, but I'm barely here
I'm barely here
We can't dwell on the last time
There's always a next time lurking...
Willie's Top 40
For the week ending June 18, 2004
LW TW Artist - Title
---------------------------------
02 01 CLUTCH - The Mob Goes Wild
04 02 VELVET REVOLVER - Slither
01 03 POWDERFINGER - On My Mind
03 04 THE OFFSPRING - (Can't Get My) Head Around You
08 05 INCUBUS - Talk Shows On Mute
07 06 THORNLEY - So Far So Good
05 07 HOOBASTANK - The Reason
09 08 BAD RELIGION - Los Angeles Is Burning
06 09 JAY-Z - 99 Problems
13 10 BEASTIE BOYS - Ch-Check It Out
12 11 AMEN - California's Bleeding
10 12 JET - Cold Hard Bitch
15 13 SEETHER - Broken
16 14 MELISSA AUF DER MAUR - Followed The Waves
11 15 A PERFECT CIRCLE - The Outsider
18 16 THE DARKNESS - Growing On Me
21 17 BILLY TALENT - River Below
19 18 LENNY KRAVITZ - Where Are We Runnin'?
17 19 LOSTPROPHETS - Last Train Home
14 20 THE TREWS - Not Ready To Go
24 21 MATTHEW GOOD - Alert Status Red
23 22 LOCAL H - California Songs
25 23 NEW FOUND GLORY - All Downhill From Here
28 24 STERIOGRAM - Walkie Talkie Man
20 25 BRAND NEW - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
22 26 THE MARS VOLTA - Televators
29 27 DIVISION OF LAURA LEE - Does Compute
32 28 SECRET MACHINES - Sad And Lonely
33 29 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Summer's Killing Us
31 30 SLIPKNOT - Duality
27 31 THE VINES - Ride
34 32 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE - Hey Julie
36 33 FINGER ELEVEN - Stay In Shadow
30 34 BLACK LABEL SOCIETY - House Of Doom
38 35 LACUNA COIL - Swamped
NE 36 VAN HALEN - It's About Time
26 37 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Vaccination Scar
39 38 MONSTER MAGNET - Unbroken (Hotel Baby)
NE 39 BUTCH WALKER - Mixtape
35 40 AUDIOSLAVE - What You Are
For the week ending June 18, 2004
LW TW Artist - Title
---------------------------------
02 01 CLUTCH - The Mob Goes Wild
04 02 VELVET REVOLVER - Slither
01 03 POWDERFINGER - On My Mind
03 04 THE OFFSPRING - (Can't Get My) Head Around You
08 05 INCUBUS - Talk Shows On Mute
07 06 THORNLEY - So Far So Good
05 07 HOOBASTANK - The Reason
09 08 BAD RELIGION - Los Angeles Is Burning
06 09 JAY-Z - 99 Problems
13 10 BEASTIE BOYS - Ch-Check It Out
12 11 AMEN - California's Bleeding
10 12 JET - Cold Hard Bitch
15 13 SEETHER - Broken
16 14 MELISSA AUF DER MAUR - Followed The Waves
11 15 A PERFECT CIRCLE - The Outsider
18 16 THE DARKNESS - Growing On Me
21 17 BILLY TALENT - River Below
19 18 LENNY KRAVITZ - Where Are We Runnin'?
17 19 LOSTPROPHETS - Last Train Home
14 20 THE TREWS - Not Ready To Go
24 21 MATTHEW GOOD - Alert Status Red
23 22 LOCAL H - California Songs
25 23 NEW FOUND GLORY - All Downhill From Here
28 24 STERIOGRAM - Walkie Talkie Man
20 25 BRAND NEW - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
22 26 THE MARS VOLTA - Televators
29 27 DIVISION OF LAURA LEE - Does Compute
32 28 SECRET MACHINES - Sad And Lonely
33 29 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Summer's Killing Us
31 30 SLIPKNOT - Duality
27 31 THE VINES - Ride
34 32 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE - Hey Julie
36 33 FINGER ELEVEN - Stay In Shadow
30 34 BLACK LABEL SOCIETY - House Of Doom
38 35 LACUNA COIL - Swamped
NE 36 VAN HALEN - It's About Time
26 37 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Vaccination Scar
39 38 MONSTER MAGNET - Unbroken (Hotel Baby)
NE 39 BUTCH WALKER - Mixtape
35 40 AUDIOSLAVE - What You Are
June 15, 2004
Pet Peeve of the Week
People who create elaborate riddles and cryptic messages, when a simple call or e-mail would have "tended to the matter" a lot sooner. I knew it was you from the first post, but didn't have the evidence until now.
If you're expecting to be rewarded handsomely for this, riddler, I think you'll be disappointed. I'm not the well-off, care-free Willie I once was. In dragging this matter out in the fashion you did, you've accomplished little. But, I have started to think about it more. And all I can say is that, once I've taken care of my matter, you shouldn't forget about your implied promise.
To put it simply, I like to get my money's worth. If I've "neglected my matter", it's not as much to do with neglect as it is to do with the fact that I'm feeling a little ripped off.
You've got rights, but so do I. I'm willing to reach an agreement here, but not at the expense of my life itself. That said, I hope you're not disappointed by the end result of your little game.
Again, a simple call or e-mail would have sufficed. I'll assume you still know how to reach me, just that you don't want to.
People who create elaborate riddles and cryptic messages, when a simple call or e-mail would have "tended to the matter" a lot sooner. I knew it was you from the first post, but didn't have the evidence until now.
If you're expecting to be rewarded handsomely for this, riddler, I think you'll be disappointed. I'm not the well-off, care-free Willie I once was. In dragging this matter out in the fashion you did, you've accomplished little. But, I have started to think about it more. And all I can say is that, once I've taken care of my matter, you shouldn't forget about your implied promise.
To put it simply, I like to get my money's worth. If I've "neglected my matter", it's not as much to do with neglect as it is to do with the fact that I'm feeling a little ripped off.
You've got rights, but so do I. I'm willing to reach an agreement here, but not at the expense of my life itself. That said, I hope you're not disappointed by the end result of your little game.
Again, a simple call or e-mail would have sufficed. I'll assume you still know how to reach me, just that you don't want to.
June 9, 2004
Willie's Top 40 for the week ending June 11, 2004
LW TW Artist - Title
------------------------------------
01 01 POWDERFINGER - On My Mind
03 02 CLUTCH - The Mob Goes Wild
04 03 THE OFFSPRING - (Can't Get My) Head Around You
06 04 VELVET REVOLVER - Slither
02 05 HOOBASTANK - The Reason
08 06 JAY-Z - 99 Problems
09 07 THORNLEY - So Far So Good
10 08 INCUBUS - Talk Shows On Mute
12 09 BAD RELIGION - Los Angeles Is Burning
05 10 JET - Cold Hard Bitch
07 11 A PERFECT CIRCLE - The Outsider
14 12 AMEN - California's Bleeding
15 13 BEASTIE BOYS - Ch-Check It Out
11 14 THE TREWS - Not Ready To Go
18 15 SEETHER - Broken
19 16 AUF DER MAUR - Followed The Waves
13 17 LOSTPROPHETS - Last Train Home
22 18 THE DARKNESS - Growing On Me
21 19 LENNY KRAVITZ - Where Are We Runnin'?
17 20 BRAND NEW - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
25 21 BILLY TALENT - River Below
16 22 THE MARS VOLTA - Televators
24 23 LOCAL H - California Songs
27 24 MATTHEW GOOD - Alert Status Red
29 25 NEW FOUND GLORY - All DOwnhill From Here
20 26 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Vaccination Scar
23 27 THE VINES - Ride
32 28 STERIOGRAM - Walkie Talkie Man
30 29 DIVISION OF LAURA LEE - Does Compute
26 30 BLACK LABEL SOCIETY - House Of Doom
34 31 SLIPKNOT - Duality
36 32 SECRET MACHINES - Sad And Lonely
35 33 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Summer's Killing Us
37 34 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE - Hey Julie
28 35 AUDIOSLAVE - What You Are
38 36 FINGER ELEVEN - Stay In Shadow
33 37 THE DISTILLERS - Beat Your Heart Out
40 38 LACUNA COIL - Swamped
NE 39 MONSTER MAGNET - Unbroken (Hotel Baby)
31 40 ALEXISONFIRE - Waterwings
...and if you want to experience something that will never grace this top 40, head to genesimmons.com and check out his horrendous rendition of The Prodigy's "Firestarter". WARNING: After have to be seeing and watching video, you are to becoming stupider.
LW TW Artist - Title
------------------------------------
01 01 POWDERFINGER - On My Mind
03 02 CLUTCH - The Mob Goes Wild
04 03 THE OFFSPRING - (Can't Get My) Head Around You
06 04 VELVET REVOLVER - Slither
02 05 HOOBASTANK - The Reason
08 06 JAY-Z - 99 Problems
09 07 THORNLEY - So Far So Good
10 08 INCUBUS - Talk Shows On Mute
12 09 BAD RELIGION - Los Angeles Is Burning
05 10 JET - Cold Hard Bitch
07 11 A PERFECT CIRCLE - The Outsider
14 12 AMEN - California's Bleeding
15 13 BEASTIE BOYS - Ch-Check It Out
11 14 THE TREWS - Not Ready To Go
18 15 SEETHER - Broken
19 16 AUF DER MAUR - Followed The Waves
13 17 LOSTPROPHETS - Last Train Home
22 18 THE DARKNESS - Growing On Me
21 19 LENNY KRAVITZ - Where Are We Runnin'?
17 20 BRAND NEW - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
25 21 BILLY TALENT - River Below
16 22 THE MARS VOLTA - Televators
24 23 LOCAL H - California Songs
27 24 MATTHEW GOOD - Alert Status Red
29 25 NEW FOUND GLORY - All DOwnhill From Here
20 26 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Vaccination Scar
23 27 THE VINES - Ride
32 28 STERIOGRAM - Walkie Talkie Man
30 29 DIVISION OF LAURA LEE - Does Compute
26 30 BLACK LABEL SOCIETY - House Of Doom
34 31 SLIPKNOT - Duality
36 32 SECRET MACHINES - Sad And Lonely
35 33 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Summer's Killing Us
37 34 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE - Hey Julie
28 35 AUDIOSLAVE - What You Are
38 36 FINGER ELEVEN - Stay In Shadow
33 37 THE DISTILLERS - Beat Your Heart Out
40 38 LACUNA COIL - Swamped
NE 39 MONSTER MAGNET - Unbroken (Hotel Baby)
31 40 ALEXISONFIRE - Waterwings
...and if you want to experience something that will never grace this top 40, head to genesimmons.com and check out his horrendous rendition of The Prodigy's "Firestarter". WARNING: After have to be seeing and watching video, you are to becoming stupider.
June 3, 2004
Willie's Top 40
For the week ending June 4, 2004
LW TW Artist - Title
---------------------------
02 01 POWDERFINGER - On My Mind
01 02 HOOBASTANK - The Reason
05 03 CLUTCH - The Mob Goes Wild
06 04 THE OFFSPRING - (Can't Get My) Head Around You
04 05 JET - Cold Hard Bitch
08 06 VELVET REVOLVER - Slither
03 07 A PERFECT CIRCLE - The Outsider
10 08 JAY-Z - 99 Problems
11 09 THORNLEY - So Far So Good
14 10 INCUBUS - Talk Shows On Mute
07 11 THE TREWS - Not Ready To Go
17 12 BAD RELIGION - Los Angeles Is Burning
09 13 LOSTPROPHETS - Last Train Home
16 14 AMEN - California's Bleeding
18 15 BEASTIE BOYS - Ch-Check It Out
13 16 THE MARS VOLTA - Televators
15 17 BRAND NEW - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
20 18 SEETHER - Broken
23 19 AUF DER MAUR - Followed The Waves
12 20 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Vaccination Scar
22 21 LENNY KRAVITZ - Where Are We Runnin'?
26 22 THE DARKNESS - Growing On Me
19 23 THE VINES - Ride
27 24 LOCAL H - California Songs
30 25 BILLY TALENT - River Below
25 26 BLACK LABEL SOCIETY - House Of Doom
31 27 MATTHEW GOOD - Alert Status Red
21 28 AUDIOSLAVE - What You Are
34 29 NEW FOUND GLORY - All Downhill From Here
32 30 DIVISION OF LAURA LEE - Does Compute
24 31 ALEXISONFIRE - Waterwings
36 32 STERIOGRAM - Walkie Talkie Man
28 33 THE DISTILLERS - Beat Your Heart Out
35 34 SLIPKNOT - Duality
NE 35 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Summer's Killing Us
40 36 SECRET MACHINES - Sad And Lonely
38 37 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE - Hey Julie
NE 38 FINGER ELEVEN - Stay In Shadow
29 39 SWITCHFOOT - Dare You To Move
NE 40 LACUNA COIL - Swamped
That is all.
For the week ending June 4, 2004
LW TW Artist - Title
---------------------------
02 01 POWDERFINGER - On My Mind
01 02 HOOBASTANK - The Reason
05 03 CLUTCH - The Mob Goes Wild
06 04 THE OFFSPRING - (Can't Get My) Head Around You
04 05 JET - Cold Hard Bitch
08 06 VELVET REVOLVER - Slither
03 07 A PERFECT CIRCLE - The Outsider
10 08 JAY-Z - 99 Problems
11 09 THORNLEY - So Far So Good
14 10 INCUBUS - Talk Shows On Mute
07 11 THE TREWS - Not Ready To Go
17 12 BAD RELIGION - Los Angeles Is Burning
09 13 LOSTPROPHETS - Last Train Home
16 14 AMEN - California's Bleeding
18 15 BEASTIE BOYS - Ch-Check It Out
13 16 THE MARS VOLTA - Televators
15 17 BRAND NEW - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
20 18 SEETHER - Broken
23 19 AUF DER MAUR - Followed The Waves
12 20 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Vaccination Scar
22 21 LENNY KRAVITZ - Where Are We Runnin'?
26 22 THE DARKNESS - Growing On Me
19 23 THE VINES - Ride
27 24 LOCAL H - California Songs
30 25 BILLY TALENT - River Below
25 26 BLACK LABEL SOCIETY - House Of Doom
31 27 MATTHEW GOOD - Alert Status Red
21 28 AUDIOSLAVE - What You Are
34 29 NEW FOUND GLORY - All Downhill From Here
32 30 DIVISION OF LAURA LEE - Does Compute
24 31 ALEXISONFIRE - Waterwings
36 32 STERIOGRAM - Walkie Talkie Man
28 33 THE DISTILLERS - Beat Your Heart Out
35 34 SLIPKNOT - Duality
NE 35 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Summer's Killing Us
40 36 SECRET MACHINES - Sad And Lonely
38 37 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE - Hey Julie
NE 38 FINGER ELEVEN - Stay In Shadow
29 39 SWITCHFOOT - Dare You To Move
NE 40 LACUNA COIL - Swamped
That is all.
May 31, 2004
Alert Status: Teal
Happy Memorial Day, you Yankee capitalist swine! Heh... just kidding, don't want to let one bad apple spoil the whole bush... er, let one bad Bush spoil the whole apple... um... forget it.
Here's the latest. Work is getting slightly more tolerable. A proposed schedule change is going to give us the same amount of hours, but more days off. Can you say "four day weekend"? Every three weeks, baby.
I'd go across the street, but I can't afford the gas. I'm still waiting for the PV to perculate on this matter. Give it time, kids.
Recently, I've been spending a lot of my down time drinking coffee and playing Magic, as my transformation from normal human being to evil mutant dork is a go, full steam ahead. I'll say this about the geeky card game, though. When I'm playing, my problems are the furthest thing from my mind. That, and it's a godsend for the collector in me.
I've also been watching some movies. Recent views have been Big Fish and Bubba Ho-Tep. Both pretty good flicks.
We're in the dog days of music. There really hasn't been much that's blown me away this year. Then again, I think I've been raising my standards a lot higher since the Mars Volta album rocked my ever-loving balls off. Although, I am looking forward to a few releases. The Hip have never disappointed me, and it seems that every summer, without fail, an album comes out of nowhere and wins Album of the Year (see At the Drive-In in 2000, Tool & System Of A Down in 2001, Queens of the Stone Age in 2002, Mars Volta in 2003). Likely candidates for 2004? It'd be silly to speculate, since it's always something I never expected. Suffice to say, there's a few bands that have sparked a small amount of interest in me, and that's usually how it begins (Tool being the exception; they merely surpassed all expectations with Lateralus). At any rate, Nine Inch Nails, System Of A Down and Slayer are all on pace to release new material by year's end, so maybe the state of music isn't as bad as I thought it was.
Recent purchases: Amen and Secret Machines, as well as the Rock Against Bush compilation. All were okay, but none blew my mind (at least, not on first listen; judgment hasn't been passed quite yet).
That's about it. Oh, for those who haven't been to the guestbook, The Riddler returned with the numeric message. I haven't bothered trying to decode it, since that's exactly what they want me to do. However, if you have some extra time on your hands and want to tell me what the hell they're saying, go for it.
End transmission
Happy Memorial Day, you Yankee capitalist swine! Heh... just kidding, don't want to let one bad apple spoil the whole bush... er, let one bad Bush spoil the whole apple... um... forget it.
Here's the latest. Work is getting slightly more tolerable. A proposed schedule change is going to give us the same amount of hours, but more days off. Can you say "four day weekend"? Every three weeks, baby.
I'd go across the street, but I can't afford the gas. I'm still waiting for the PV to perculate on this matter. Give it time, kids.
Recently, I've been spending a lot of my down time drinking coffee and playing Magic, as my transformation from normal human being to evil mutant dork is a go, full steam ahead. I'll say this about the geeky card game, though. When I'm playing, my problems are the furthest thing from my mind. That, and it's a godsend for the collector in me.
I've also been watching some movies. Recent views have been Big Fish and Bubba Ho-Tep. Both pretty good flicks.
We're in the dog days of music. There really hasn't been much that's blown me away this year. Then again, I think I've been raising my standards a lot higher since the Mars Volta album rocked my ever-loving balls off. Although, I am looking forward to a few releases. The Hip have never disappointed me, and it seems that every summer, without fail, an album comes out of nowhere and wins Album of the Year (see At the Drive-In in 2000, Tool & System Of A Down in 2001, Queens of the Stone Age in 2002, Mars Volta in 2003). Likely candidates for 2004? It'd be silly to speculate, since it's always something I never expected. Suffice to say, there's a few bands that have sparked a small amount of interest in me, and that's usually how it begins (Tool being the exception; they merely surpassed all expectations with Lateralus). At any rate, Nine Inch Nails, System Of A Down and Slayer are all on pace to release new material by year's end, so maybe the state of music isn't as bad as I thought it was.
Recent purchases: Amen and Secret Machines, as well as the Rock Against Bush compilation. All were okay, but none blew my mind (at least, not on first listen; judgment hasn't been passed quite yet).
That's about it. Oh, for those who haven't been to the guestbook, The Riddler returned with the numeric message. I haven't bothered trying to decode it, since that's exactly what they want me to do. However, if you have some extra time on your hands and want to tell me what the hell they're saying, go for it.
End transmission
May 26, 2004
Willie's Top 40
For the week ending May 28, 2004
LW TW Artist - Title
-----------------------------------------
03 01 HOOBASTANK - The Reason
05 02 POWDERFINGER - On My Mind
01 03 A PERFECT CIRCLE - The Outsider
02 04 JET - Cold Hard Bitch
09 05 CLUTCH - The Mob Goes Wild
08 06 THE OFFSPRING - (Can't Get My) Head Around You
04 07 THE TREWS - Not Ready To Go
12 08 VELVET REVOLVER - Slither
06 09 LOSTPROPHETS - Last Train Home
11 10 JAY-Z - 99 Problems
15 11 THORNLEY - So Far So Good
13 12 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Vaccination Scar
07 13 THE MARS VOLTA - Televators
18 14 INCUBUS - Talk Shows On Mute
10 15 BRAND NEW - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
17 16 AMEN - California's Bleeding
20 17 BAD RELIGION - Los Angeles Is Burning
24 18 BEASTIE BOYS - Ch-Check It Out
14 19 THE VINES - Ride
21 20 SEETHER - Broken
16 21 AUDIOSLAVE - What You Are
23 22 LENNY KRAVITZ - Where Are We Runnin'?
29 23 AUF DER MAUR - Followed The Waves
19 24 ALEXISONFIRE - Waterwings
26 25 BLACK LABEL SOCIETY - House Of Doom
28 26 THE DARKNESS - Growing On Me
31 27 LOCAL H - California Songs
30 28 THE DISTILLERS - Beat Your Heart Out
22 29 SWITCHFOOT - Dare You To Move
34 30 BILLY TALENT - River Below
33 31 MATTHEW GOOD - Alert Status Red
35 32 DIVISION OF LAURA LEE - Does Compute
25 33 LIARS - There's Always Room On The Broom
36 34 NEW FOUND GLORY - All Downhill From Here
38 35 SLIPKNOT - Duality
NE 36 STERIOGRAM - Walkie Talkie Man
32 37 DROWNING POOL - Step Up
39 38 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE - Hey Julie
27 39 FINGER ELEVEN - Absent Elements
NE 40 SECRET MACHINES - Sad And Lonely
ON RADAR...
----------------------
BEN KWELLER - The Rules
THE KILLERS - Somebody Told Me
LACUNA COIL - Swamped
FINGER ELEVEN - Stay In Shadow
THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Summer's Killing Us
MONSTER MAGNET - Unbroken (Hotel Baby)
HOOBASTANK - Same Direction
LOSTPROPHETS - Wake Up (Make A Move)
And remember, kids... 1843136 46 65116466 15+6 ~4684463e1/2.
Take care now.
For the week ending May 28, 2004
LW TW Artist - Title
-----------------------------------------
03 01 HOOBASTANK - The Reason
05 02 POWDERFINGER - On My Mind
01 03 A PERFECT CIRCLE - The Outsider
02 04 JET - Cold Hard Bitch
09 05 CLUTCH - The Mob Goes Wild
08 06 THE OFFSPRING - (Can't Get My) Head Around You
04 07 THE TREWS - Not Ready To Go
12 08 VELVET REVOLVER - Slither
06 09 LOSTPROPHETS - Last Train Home
11 10 JAY-Z - 99 Problems
15 11 THORNLEY - So Far So Good
13 12 THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Vaccination Scar
07 13 THE MARS VOLTA - Televators
18 14 INCUBUS - Talk Shows On Mute
10 15 BRAND NEW - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
17 16 AMEN - California's Bleeding
20 17 BAD RELIGION - Los Angeles Is Burning
24 18 BEASTIE BOYS - Ch-Check It Out
14 19 THE VINES - Ride
21 20 SEETHER - Broken
16 21 AUDIOSLAVE - What You Are
23 22 LENNY KRAVITZ - Where Are We Runnin'?
29 23 AUF DER MAUR - Followed The Waves
19 24 ALEXISONFIRE - Waterwings
26 25 BLACK LABEL SOCIETY - House Of Doom
28 26 THE DARKNESS - Growing On Me
31 27 LOCAL H - California Songs
30 28 THE DISTILLERS - Beat Your Heart Out
22 29 SWITCHFOOT - Dare You To Move
34 30 BILLY TALENT - River Below
33 31 MATTHEW GOOD - Alert Status Red
35 32 DIVISION OF LAURA LEE - Does Compute
25 33 LIARS - There's Always Room On The Broom
36 34 NEW FOUND GLORY - All Downhill From Here
38 35 SLIPKNOT - Duality
NE 36 STERIOGRAM - Walkie Talkie Man
32 37 DROWNING POOL - Step Up
39 38 FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE - Hey Julie
27 39 FINGER ELEVEN - Absent Elements
NE 40 SECRET MACHINES - Sad And Lonely
ON RADAR...
----------------------
BEN KWELLER - The Rules
THE KILLERS - Somebody Told Me
LACUNA COIL - Swamped
FINGER ELEVEN - Stay In Shadow
THE TRAGICALLY HIP - Summer's Killing Us
MONSTER MAGNET - Unbroken (Hotel Baby)
HOOBASTANK - Same Direction
LOSTPROPHETS - Wake Up (Make A Move)
And remember, kids... 1843136 46 65116466 15+6 ~4684463e1/2.
Take care now.
May 21, 2004
I Make A Difference... I Care
So, having started my new job in February, I never really thought about advancing all that quickly. But, apparently, someone in the office sees something in me because out of 50+ workers, I was awarded Employee of the Month for April. That was before my 60-day probationary period even ended.
Wow... imagine what rewards I could reap if I actually gave two shits about the place!
So, having started my new job in February, I never really thought about advancing all that quickly. But, apparently, someone in the office sees something in me because out of 50+ workers, I was awarded Employee of the Month for April. That was before my 60-day probationary period even ended.
Wow... imagine what rewards I could reap if I actually gave two shits about the place!
May 19, 2004
The Return of Willie's Top 40
Back online by unpopular demand, here's the top rock in the land as I see it.
For the week ending May 21, 2004:
LW TW Artist-Title
-- -- ------------
03 01 A Perfect Circle - The Outsider
02 02 Jet - Cold Hard Bitch
06 03 Hoobastank - The Reason
04 04 The Trews - Not Ready To Go
08 05 Powderfinger - On My Mind
01 06 Lostprophets - Last Train Home
05 07 The Mars Volta - Televators
09 08 The Offspring - Can't Get My Head Around You
13 09 Clutch - The Mob Goes Wild
10 10 Brand New - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
14 11 Jay-Z - 99 Problems
16 12 Velvet Revolver - Slither
19 13 The Tragically Hip - Vaccination Scar
07 14 The Vines - Ride
17 15 Thornley - So Far So Good
11 16 Audioslave - What You Are
18 17 Amen - California's Bleeding
20 18 Incubus - Talk Shows On Mute
12 19 Alexisonfire - Waterwings
25 20 Bad Religion - Los Angeles Is Burning
22 21 Seether - Broken
21 22 Switchfoot - Dare You To Move
23 23 Lenny Kravitz - Where Are We Runnin'?
28 24 Beastie Boys - Ch-Check It Out
15 25 Liars - There's Always Room On The Broom
26 26 Black Label Society - House Of Doom
24 27 Finger Eleven - Absent Elements
29 28 The Darkness - Growing On Me
31 29 Auf der Maur - Followed The Waves
32 30 The Distillers - Beat Your Heart Out
34 31 Local H - California Songs
27 32 Drowning Pool - Step Up
37 33 Matthew Good - Alert Status Red
36 34 Billy Talent - River Below
-- 35 Division Of Laura Lee - Does Compute
39 36 New Found Glory - All Downhill From Here
33 37 Anthrax - What Doesn't Die
40 38 Slipknot - Duality
-- 39 Fountains Of Wayne - Hey Julie
30 40 Mushroomhead - Crazy
Back online by unpopular demand, here's the top rock in the land as I see it.
For the week ending May 21, 2004:
LW TW Artist-Title
-- -- ------------
03 01 A Perfect Circle - The Outsider
02 02 Jet - Cold Hard Bitch
06 03 Hoobastank - The Reason
04 04 The Trews - Not Ready To Go
08 05 Powderfinger - On My Mind
01 06 Lostprophets - Last Train Home
05 07 The Mars Volta - Televators
09 08 The Offspring - Can't Get My Head Around You
13 09 Clutch - The Mob Goes Wild
10 10 Brand New - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
14 11 Jay-Z - 99 Problems
16 12 Velvet Revolver - Slither
19 13 The Tragically Hip - Vaccination Scar
07 14 The Vines - Ride
17 15 Thornley - So Far So Good
11 16 Audioslave - What You Are
18 17 Amen - California's Bleeding
20 18 Incubus - Talk Shows On Mute
12 19 Alexisonfire - Waterwings
25 20 Bad Religion - Los Angeles Is Burning
22 21 Seether - Broken
21 22 Switchfoot - Dare You To Move
23 23 Lenny Kravitz - Where Are We Runnin'?
28 24 Beastie Boys - Ch-Check It Out
15 25 Liars - There's Always Room On The Broom
26 26 Black Label Society - House Of Doom
24 27 Finger Eleven - Absent Elements
29 28 The Darkness - Growing On Me
31 29 Auf der Maur - Followed The Waves
32 30 The Distillers - Beat Your Heart Out
34 31 Local H - California Songs
27 32 Drowning Pool - Step Up
37 33 Matthew Good - Alert Status Red
36 34 Billy Talent - River Below
-- 35 Division Of Laura Lee - Does Compute
39 36 New Found Glory - All Downhill From Here
33 37 Anthrax - What Doesn't Die
40 38 Slipknot - Duality
-- 39 Fountains Of Wayne - Hey Julie
30 40 Mushroomhead - Crazy
Another Year Older, Another Year Number
So I've survived this hellacious, pothole-ridden ride I call my life into the dawn of its 29th year. and, what have I learned? Let's recap, shall we?
- It's never a good idea when you're four years old to be too smart for your age. If this happens, you may see some graffitti on a sign, identify it, and shout the word "cunt" in the presence of your parents.
- It's never a good idea when you're five years old to taunt someone older, bigger and stronger than you, then run away. If this happens, you may realize that when this person catches you, you stand the chance of getting hauled down and having your head split open on the pavement.
- It's never a good idea when you're eight years old to throw a hissy fit that culminates in you shouting at your mother to "make me a fucking sandwich!" If this happens, you may very well get a sandwich, but you'll also get more guilt than you can handle.
- It's never a good idea when you're ten years old to willingly become a passenger on a snowmobile while your father (who you know has been drinking) is driving it. If this happens, it's quite possible that you could hit a rock buried by snow, lose your footing, and end up with your ankle so severely broken that your foot literally hangs perilously close to the point of amputation, will never fully heal, and leave you with a nasty scar where the jagged bone poked out.
- It's never a good idea when you're thirteen years old to go on a week-long road trip taking only one album to listen to. If this happens, you may never bring yourself to forgive Roxette for the horrible flashbacks they've caused you.
- It's never a good idea when you're sixteen years old to chug three glasses of vodka and orange juice as your first experience with alcohol. If this happens, you may make out with someone you never intended on taking to the prom, let alone having said date be tripped out on seven hits of acid on what should have been one of the most defining nights of a young man's life.
- It's never a good idea when you're eighteen years old to chug three glasses of vodka and peach juice as a celebration of your first week in college. If this happens, you may have sex with someone you never intended on being your first lay, let alone having said first lay get wasted on Hermits wine some days later, fall down and cut her asscheek on a cassette tape case, leaving you and your buddy in the examination room of the local hospital, forced to choose which one gets to hold the wound shut while the other holds the bedpan for her to puke into.
- It's never a good idea when you're eighteen years old to treat a woman's heart as a plaything. If this happens, you might get what you want in the short term, but years later you find yourself wishing you could talk to the ones you've hurt, just to know that they're okay.
- It's never a good idea when you're eighteen years old to commit to a long term relationship that you're uneasy about from the start. If this happens, before you know it, you've invested too much time and trust to just get away from it, forcing yourself to years of unnecessary risk and stress.
- It's never a good idea when you're twenty-one years old to bring a child into the world, knowing full well that what is supposed to bring two people closer together will inevitably tear them apart. If this happens, your life changes forever, as you must struggle to live with the fact that this tiny person you would give your very life for... well, you just did.
- It's never a good idea when you're twenty-four years old to father a second child in the hopes that it will serve as some sort of last ditch effort in salvaging a family unit. If this happens, prepare yourself for any number of adverse reactions, not the least of which being the revelation that the woman you invested so much love and time into once slept with your best friend. Soon enough, she will find someone else, pick up stakes, and take your children far away, where you will hardly ever see them again. This, my friends, will lead to a long, hard look into the mirror. You will weigh the pros and cons of suicide very seriously. Luckily, your mortal soul will be spared by listening to Pearl Jam's "Indifference".
- It's ALWAYS a good idea when you're twenty-six years old to exhibit class and professionalism in the face of a forced exit from the business you schooled for two years to command. If this happens, not only will you be able to politely thank all those who supported you, play "Indifference" for all the land to hear as your last act and walk out with head held high despite the uncontrollable tears, you will also be flipping the ultimate bird to those who betrayed you, leaving them with the sudden realization that they have, indeed, let one of the true professionals fall through the cracks. This will be your legacy and, though you will never work for those people again, you will be remembered as a class act to the bitter end.
- It's never a good idea when you're twenty-seven years old to take a job just for money. If this happens, you could find yourself in a situation where you sacrifice your happiness for the sake of a few extra dollars. Eventually, you will quit this job, and slip into a deep depression. Thoughts of suicide will again surface, only by now you've mastered the "Indifference" technique, so you'll be fine. Regardless, you will wish you hadn't left the job you loved for a quick buck.
So, I guess that brings us to now. I'm sure there are many more important lessons to learn, though I've no clue as to what they will be, or when they will be taught. All I can say as the newest member of the 28-year old club is... live for yourself. I've made so many mistakes thus far, and the vast majority have been a direct result of trying foolheartedly to please those around me. I shall vow, here and now, to better myself as an individual, in the hopes of evoking a positive effect in others. I am breaking in my current state; I have traded my rock shirts and jeans for business casual, and it sickens me. I am not a number, destined to mull through life in a cubicle. I can, and WILL inflict change. It will be a slow process, but I can do this. I will find myself again, if I have to search every inch of this country. I was once a content, easy-going man. I could once talk and laugh with my fiancee for hours at a time. Now, I am uptight, drained, and slipping into depression yet again. I see my children, on average, four times a year. I see my fiancee, on average, two hours a day. This is unacceptable. I want my life back, and I will sacrifice anything short of my life itself to reclaim it.
I will smile again soon. Only this time, it won't be for show.
So I've survived this hellacious, pothole-ridden ride I call my life into the dawn of its 29th year. and, what have I learned? Let's recap, shall we?
- It's never a good idea when you're four years old to be too smart for your age. If this happens, you may see some graffitti on a sign, identify it, and shout the word "cunt" in the presence of your parents.
- It's never a good idea when you're five years old to taunt someone older, bigger and stronger than you, then run away. If this happens, you may realize that when this person catches you, you stand the chance of getting hauled down and having your head split open on the pavement.
- It's never a good idea when you're eight years old to throw a hissy fit that culminates in you shouting at your mother to "make me a fucking sandwich!" If this happens, you may very well get a sandwich, but you'll also get more guilt than you can handle.
- It's never a good idea when you're ten years old to willingly become a passenger on a snowmobile while your father (who you know has been drinking) is driving it. If this happens, it's quite possible that you could hit a rock buried by snow, lose your footing, and end up with your ankle so severely broken that your foot literally hangs perilously close to the point of amputation, will never fully heal, and leave you with a nasty scar where the jagged bone poked out.
- It's never a good idea when you're thirteen years old to go on a week-long road trip taking only one album to listen to. If this happens, you may never bring yourself to forgive Roxette for the horrible flashbacks they've caused you.
- It's never a good idea when you're sixteen years old to chug three glasses of vodka and orange juice as your first experience with alcohol. If this happens, you may make out with someone you never intended on taking to the prom, let alone having said date be tripped out on seven hits of acid on what should have been one of the most defining nights of a young man's life.
- It's never a good idea when you're eighteen years old to chug three glasses of vodka and peach juice as a celebration of your first week in college. If this happens, you may have sex with someone you never intended on being your first lay, let alone having said first lay get wasted on Hermits wine some days later, fall down and cut her asscheek on a cassette tape case, leaving you and your buddy in the examination room of the local hospital, forced to choose which one gets to hold the wound shut while the other holds the bedpan for her to puke into.
- It's never a good idea when you're eighteen years old to treat a woman's heart as a plaything. If this happens, you might get what you want in the short term, but years later you find yourself wishing you could talk to the ones you've hurt, just to know that they're okay.
- It's never a good idea when you're eighteen years old to commit to a long term relationship that you're uneasy about from the start. If this happens, before you know it, you've invested too much time and trust to just get away from it, forcing yourself to years of unnecessary risk and stress.
- It's never a good idea when you're twenty-one years old to bring a child into the world, knowing full well that what is supposed to bring two people closer together will inevitably tear them apart. If this happens, your life changes forever, as you must struggle to live with the fact that this tiny person you would give your very life for... well, you just did.
- It's never a good idea when you're twenty-four years old to father a second child in the hopes that it will serve as some sort of last ditch effort in salvaging a family unit. If this happens, prepare yourself for any number of adverse reactions, not the least of which being the revelation that the woman you invested so much love and time into once slept with your best friend. Soon enough, she will find someone else, pick up stakes, and take your children far away, where you will hardly ever see them again. This, my friends, will lead to a long, hard look into the mirror. You will weigh the pros and cons of suicide very seriously. Luckily, your mortal soul will be spared by listening to Pearl Jam's "Indifference".
- It's ALWAYS a good idea when you're twenty-six years old to exhibit class and professionalism in the face of a forced exit from the business you schooled for two years to command. If this happens, not only will you be able to politely thank all those who supported you, play "Indifference" for all the land to hear as your last act and walk out with head held high despite the uncontrollable tears, you will also be flipping the ultimate bird to those who betrayed you, leaving them with the sudden realization that they have, indeed, let one of the true professionals fall through the cracks. This will be your legacy and, though you will never work for those people again, you will be remembered as a class act to the bitter end.
- It's never a good idea when you're twenty-seven years old to take a job just for money. If this happens, you could find yourself in a situation where you sacrifice your happiness for the sake of a few extra dollars. Eventually, you will quit this job, and slip into a deep depression. Thoughts of suicide will again surface, only by now you've mastered the "Indifference" technique, so you'll be fine. Regardless, you will wish you hadn't left the job you loved for a quick buck.
So, I guess that brings us to now. I'm sure there are many more important lessons to learn, though I've no clue as to what they will be, or when they will be taught. All I can say as the newest member of the 28-year old club is... live for yourself. I've made so many mistakes thus far, and the vast majority have been a direct result of trying foolheartedly to please those around me. I shall vow, here and now, to better myself as an individual, in the hopes of evoking a positive effect in others. I am breaking in my current state; I have traded my rock shirts and jeans for business casual, and it sickens me. I am not a number, destined to mull through life in a cubicle. I can, and WILL inflict change. It will be a slow process, but I can do this. I will find myself again, if I have to search every inch of this country. I was once a content, easy-going man. I could once talk and laugh with my fiancee for hours at a time. Now, I am uptight, drained, and slipping into depression yet again. I see my children, on average, four times a year. I see my fiancee, on average, two hours a day. This is unacceptable. I want my life back, and I will sacrifice anything short of my life itself to reclaim it.
I will smile again soon. Only this time, it won't be for show.
May 7, 2004
Pub Crawl?! What Pub Crawl?
So here's the deal. For the past three years, I've organized the Willie Pub Crawl, an evening of drunken debauchery and general mayhem shared with my circle of friends. In 2001, we ran rampant in the streets of Miramichi, apparently smashing a beer bottle over someone's head in the process (at least, that's what the moron who accosted us seemed to think). In 2002, we took the show on the road, and F-city has never been the same (okay, I suppose it kind of has). Last year, we brought it back to the roots, hitting the 'chi harder than a whore on payday.
And as for this year? There is no pub crawl.
See, I'm going to be 28 years old on the 18th. The time for wandering aimlessly from bar to bar in a drunken stupor seems... I don't know... behind me, I guess. Call it maturity, delusional musings of a mind that's much too sober, whatever you want. What it all boils down to is that I don't see the allure of saving every last penny I have to drive a car that needs engine work 2-1/2 hours across the province just so I can get drunk and make an ass out of myself, then have to bother someone for a place to crash, get up the next morning, spend my last five bucks on breakfast, come home hungover and penniless five days before payday.
Granted, I really wanted to see gNosh play again, as they're always mucho bueno. But, I've decided (after much deliberation) to keep the bash closer to home. Besides, as the vast majority of my friends are in the 'chi, and wouldn't be able to make the trip to F-city, it just kind of makes sense to kick it at the homestead. That way, instead of getting wasted with a few select friends, I can get wasted with MOST of my friends.
Anyway, the tentative plan is to have ourselves a barbecue on the 15th of May (that'd be a Saturday) at a yet unconfirmed location (trust me, we're working on it and it's 95% at this point; you don't really think I'd dangle a steak in front of your face and then yank it away, do you?... okay, you're right). Follow that up with some more drinking, some rock n' roll blasting from the stereo, and a game of cards or two is bound to break out. And, for some strange reason, that seems a hell of a lot more fun to me than paying cover charge + $3.50 a drink to spend the night in a darkened room full of sweaty, barely legal cheerleader wannabes.
I think I'm gay.
So here's the deal. For the past three years, I've organized the Willie Pub Crawl, an evening of drunken debauchery and general mayhem shared with my circle of friends. In 2001, we ran rampant in the streets of Miramichi, apparently smashing a beer bottle over someone's head in the process (at least, that's what the moron who accosted us seemed to think). In 2002, we took the show on the road, and F-city has never been the same (okay, I suppose it kind of has). Last year, we brought it back to the roots, hitting the 'chi harder than a whore on payday.
And as for this year? There is no pub crawl.
See, I'm going to be 28 years old on the 18th. The time for wandering aimlessly from bar to bar in a drunken stupor seems... I don't know... behind me, I guess. Call it maturity, delusional musings of a mind that's much too sober, whatever you want. What it all boils down to is that I don't see the allure of saving every last penny I have to drive a car that needs engine work 2-1/2 hours across the province just so I can get drunk and make an ass out of myself, then have to bother someone for a place to crash, get up the next morning, spend my last five bucks on breakfast, come home hungover and penniless five days before payday.
Granted, I really wanted to see gNosh play again, as they're always mucho bueno. But, I've decided (after much deliberation) to keep the bash closer to home. Besides, as the vast majority of my friends are in the 'chi, and wouldn't be able to make the trip to F-city, it just kind of makes sense to kick it at the homestead. That way, instead of getting wasted with a few select friends, I can get wasted with MOST of my friends.
Anyway, the tentative plan is to have ourselves a barbecue on the 15th of May (that'd be a Saturday) at a yet unconfirmed location (trust me, we're working on it and it's 95% at this point; you don't really think I'd dangle a steak in front of your face and then yank it away, do you?... okay, you're right). Follow that up with some more drinking, some rock n' roll blasting from the stereo, and a game of cards or two is bound to break out. And, for some strange reason, that seems a hell of a lot more fun to me than paying cover charge + $3.50 a drink to spend the night in a darkened room full of sweaty, barely legal cheerleader wannabes.
I think I'm gay.
April 21, 2004
Piss In A Champagne Bottle!
In altering the look of the site, Blogger also saw fit to eat all of my links, including the guestbook. However, as you'll notice, I've reposted some of those links, and added one or two new ones. Enjoy the eye candy/sore.
Hey, here's something new... if you want to drop me a line, send one over to shawnwilliston@gmail.com ...I've signed up to their special offer, which is (as far as I know) only available to Bloggers. At any rate, I'd like to see how it fares, so you can send me a note there. Who knows? I may make it my first choice if it's as cool as they say it is.
More to come...
In altering the look of the site, Blogger also saw fit to eat all of my links, including the guestbook. However, as you'll notice, I've reposted some of those links, and added one or two new ones. Enjoy the eye candy/sore.
Hey, here's something new... if you want to drop me a line, send one over to shawnwilliston@gmail.com ...I've signed up to their special offer, which is (as far as I know) only available to Bloggers. At any rate, I'd like to see how it fares, so you can send me a note there. Who knows? I may make it my first choice if it's as cool as they say it is.
More to come...
April 14, 2004
AMERICAN OIL
Written 15 minutes ago
I started out wanting to write a nice, easy going acoustic song (having given up on the metal album, I've started striving for the more realistic homemade acoustic album idea). Anyway, I was thinking of making it some sort of love song, when suddenly I found myself thinking about the ongoing saga in Iraq. After a while, I imagined what it would be like for two lovers to be torn apart by war. THEN, I imagined what it would be like for those lovers as civilians, torn apart by a random American attack, the male figure in the story losing his wife to some stray shrapnel, or what have you. Finally, I imagined what it would be like to suddenly lose Carrie, and it kind of wrote itself from there. So, what originally was to be a love song for Carrie turned into a sociopolitical, anti-war love song (indirectly) for Carrie. How the hell does my mind work, anyway?
(As a footnote, the first draft had a third verse, rather than the closing refrain you see below. In the verse, the male vows to avenge his loss. However, after writing it, I decided that posting it may bring me dangerously close to being assassinated by the secret service. Besides, I prefer it left as a touching eulogy, rather than a scathing tirade.)
Our borders blurred into sandstorm lines
And scattered with one breath
It’s best to stay here for a while
Since here is all that’s left
Memories will take you far away
But in the end you still don’t move
A gust from the west brought a hail of fire
But the cinders seemed to soothe
And when I put my arm around you
I think you must have perceived my dread
And when I asked if we could get out of here
I can’t say I was surprised
When “no” was all you said…
I caught a whiff of American oil
Just before the salvo began
So I crossed my heart and hoped to live
Then I was driven into the sand
Coming up for air, I saw you kneeling there
Waving your burning flag
I felt our hearts entwine on that front line
Just before your limbs started to sag
And when I put my arms around you
You gazed at me like you were already dead
And when I told you that we would find a way together
I saw those tears in your eyes
When “no” was all you said…
As the day gives way to eternal night
May you find peace on the other side…
Written 15 minutes ago
I started out wanting to write a nice, easy going acoustic song (having given up on the metal album, I've started striving for the more realistic homemade acoustic album idea). Anyway, I was thinking of making it some sort of love song, when suddenly I found myself thinking about the ongoing saga in Iraq. After a while, I imagined what it would be like for two lovers to be torn apart by war. THEN, I imagined what it would be like for those lovers as civilians, torn apart by a random American attack, the male figure in the story losing his wife to some stray shrapnel, or what have you. Finally, I imagined what it would be like to suddenly lose Carrie, and it kind of wrote itself from there. So, what originally was to be a love song for Carrie turned into a sociopolitical, anti-war love song (indirectly) for Carrie. How the hell does my mind work, anyway?
(As a footnote, the first draft had a third verse, rather than the closing refrain you see below. In the verse, the male vows to avenge his loss. However, after writing it, I decided that posting it may bring me dangerously close to being assassinated by the secret service. Besides, I prefer it left as a touching eulogy, rather than a scathing tirade.)
Our borders blurred into sandstorm lines
And scattered with one breath
It’s best to stay here for a while
Since here is all that’s left
Memories will take you far away
But in the end you still don’t move
A gust from the west brought a hail of fire
But the cinders seemed to soothe
And when I put my arm around you
I think you must have perceived my dread
And when I asked if we could get out of here
I can’t say I was surprised
When “no” was all you said…
I caught a whiff of American oil
Just before the salvo began
So I crossed my heart and hoped to live
Then I was driven into the sand
Coming up for air, I saw you kneeling there
Waving your burning flag
I felt our hearts entwine on that front line
Just before your limbs started to sag
And when I put my arms around you
You gazed at me like you were already dead
And when I told you that we would find a way together
I saw those tears in your eyes
When “no” was all you said…
As the day gives way to eternal night
May you find peace on the other side…
April 12, 2004
PISSING VINEGAR Vol. 18: The Valentine's Day Special Resurrected!
Originally written February 13, 2000
Originally posted February 2002
It's a miracle! The long-lost Valentines' PV, not seen in years, has resurfaced. Some of you may remember the early days, when I had my weekly email newsletter. These newsletters contained the very first incarnations of PV, and only a couple were ever reissued, so to speak. In December 2001, I posted the Christmas edition on my old website, and followed two months later with this, the Valentine's Day Special. Unfortunately, some months later, Geocities ate the file, and I feared it was forever lost. Well, today I got an email from Chris Doyle, who was cleaning out an old email account, and miraculously still had the old newsletters on file. And so, children, we can finally relive the perverted magic that is... the Pissing Vinegar Valentine's Day Special. Enjoy.
*****
Here we are, kids... mere hours away from the most vomit-inducing of
holidays. The time of year where gushy preps spend insane amounts of money
on their sweethearts. No price is too high for the reddest of roses, the
shiniest of diamonds, or the richest of chocolates. I am speaking of,
naturally, Guarantee Your Piece Day. Hallmark would have you believe that
February 14th is all about showing your undying love and devotion to the
special person in your life. However, smart people (like your pal Willie
here) see through that thin disguise like the translucent teddy mom wore on
the night I was conceived. What February 14th is, in reality, is a day
where you buy a ton of sappy shit for your significant other in exchange for
the promise of sex on a regular basis over the course of the next 365 days.
Let's face it, guys; if you forget your sweetie on Valentine's Day, you can
be damn sure she'll forget how to give head (to you, anyway). So go ahead,
you lovestruck bastards. Lay out the bread, and she'll lay out the spread.
Now, for the singles... I haven't forgotten about you, as I am now
officially one of you. How in the hell do WE expect to be smoking in bed
(for all the right reasons) in just over 24 hours from now? Well, that's
gonna take some work. I mean, after all, girls who are single on
Valentine's Day are more than likely thinking about the guy who gave her a
cute and cuddly teddy bear 12 months ago, only to give her the heave-ho
right before her birthday (Sad but true: some guys just don't have the
prosperity level it takes to maintain a steady flow -- pardon the pun -- of
sexual activity). So, chances are, guys like us are at strike two before we
even button our shirts and slap on the Aqua-Velva (Note: you might want to
switch aftershaves). In the event, however, that the lady you've had your
eye on is open to a little of cupid's cruel archery, this guide is sure to
get you around the bases faster than Donovan Bailey on a sugar rush.*
* IMPORTANT NOTE: The following guide is a bunch of shit I'm making up on
the spot to try and be funny. The methods of mating used in this guide have
not been tested, and Willie assumes no responsibility in the event of
slapped face, drink-soaked crotch, or herpes. If any of this shit actually
works, I'll let you know. -W
STAGE 1: THE PREPARATIONS
What you wanna do is get all gussied up. I know you haven't spent fifty
bucks on swiss chocolate and stuffed animals, so why not take that surplus
over to the high-end men's clothing store and get yourself a slammin' shirt.
Recommended: Burnside, available at Jeans Experts. (NOTE: Don't even think
about wearing your new Burnside shirt to the Opera House, as I will be
wearing mine. If we're dressed like twins, that doesn't mean we'll get in a
threesome. Besides, you DO NOT want to see me naked.) After you've picked
your shirt, choose your jeans or pants carefully. The last thing you want
to do is show up in your 1987 Def Leppard jeans (aka The ones that look like
they've been fed to an alligator, shit out and re-eaten by his brother). Be
neat. This gives women the false impression that you are an organized man,
and therefore a good choice for a mate. Go ahead, take out the dress pants
you last wore at your great-uncle's funeral in 1995. Just make sure they
still fit, you Burger King loving bastard. Next stop: the shoes. Do not
overdo the shoes. If you show up with shoes so shiny the club lighting
makes your feet look like an acid trip, you are officially obssessed with
yourself as far as she is concerned. By the same token, perhaps you could
try not shaving. Not only does this make you look a pinch more rugged than
you are (No matter what they say, ladies do not dig babyfaces), plus you
won't have to worry about nicks, you clumsy fuck. Otherwise, your hair
should be presentable. Feel free to slick it back a bit, but don't bother
buying shares in Dep; It's a fine line between James Dean and Pee-Wee
Herman. Now that you're all studded up, let's go over the approach.
STAGE 2: CLUB ETIQUETTE
When you walk into the club, do not... repeat, DO NOT STRUT! If you
exuberate too much confidence in your future endeavours, those endeavours
will most likely consist of your Pamela Anderson poster and a bottle of Keri
lotion (not that I've ever done that). Just walk like you always do (Note:
If your name is Quasimodo, disregard the last statement; you're filthy rich
off that Disney movie, and therefore can fuck anything you want). Keep your
head up, and if you pass a fine lady look her in the eye, smile and give a
nod on your way by. Remember: groping a complete stranger is very, very
bad. It's important, however, to gauge her reaction. Here are some common
reactions and what they mean to you:
A. "Hi." -- If accompanied by a smile, she's open to your advance, and may
slow dance with you if asked later... if you're lucky, you might even be
able to cop a feel. If accompanied by a frown, she's obviously heartbroken,
and there to get drunk. Try again in an hour. If accompanied by a blank
stare, she thinks you said "High".
B. "Fuck Off!" -- Grab her ass. She may act like a bitch, but deep down
inside she knows that she's never gonna get laid with that attitude, and
eventually she's going to have to settle for something, and hey! It might
as well be you. If this approach is unsuccessful, buy her friend a drink.
C. The Man Checker -- You may have never heard it termed as such, but you're
familiar with it. The lady leans her head back, takes a quick (.2-.5
seconds) glance downward, and looks back up. This woman is looking at your
penis. If she frowns, your pants are too loose in that region, and she
would have appreciated checking the condition of your Gretzky rookie card
before buying it (ladies will not understand the analogy, but I know the
guys are with me on this one). If she smiles and her eyes grow wide, she
likes what she sees; way to go, poncho... now you've gotta keep the
balled-up sock in there all night. If she smiles and lets out a horrific,
sqealy laugh, you've left your fly open; obviously, she now knows about the
sock.
D. "I've been waiting my whole life for a man like you" -- This usually
signifies one of two things. a) You've been struck by a stray bullet from
Puff Daddy's glock, and have indeed dies and gone to heaven, or b) This
girl's been drinking since the 11th.
E. "Will you buy me a lemon gin?" -- She's 13. Get out now.
F. "Do I know you?" -- This is the girl you tried to pick up while going out
with her best friend. You are three seconds away from getting a beer bottle
smashed over your head. Let this happen. Your intense pain and suffering
will draw sympathy from about a dozen girls who don't know what a disgusting
pig you really are.
STEP 3: WHAT TO DO ONCE YOU'VE REELED HER IN
Congratulations, slick. The lady of choice has given you the privilege of
sitting with her at the table. Keep this in mind: She doesn't own that
table. If she wants to find another, she will. So don't fuck up now.
Statistics show that 83% of all pick-up attempts fail in Stage 3. This is
no time to ask her if those are real; play your cards right here, and you
may get to feel for yourself later. Most guys freeze up at this point of
the journey, as if they were trying to climb Everest only to run out of
oxygen five metres from the top. You're lucky, though, cuz you've got
Willie's advice memorized. This is, in actuality, the simplest part of the
process. There are only THREE THINGS that you MUST DO to finalized the
deal:
ONE: MAINTAIN CASUAL EYE CONTACT. Important: DO NOT STARE!! When she's
saying something that you think may be important to her (i.e. hair, shoes,
or her mom), go ahead and gaze into her baby blues. She may even believe
that you are interested in what she's saying. But know when to draw the
line. For example, if she stops talking, that's your cue to glance at
something other than her pupils. Do not look at her breasts. (Helpful hint:
This may also be a cue for you to say something. Don't talk about
wrestling. Unless she brings it up, of course.)
TWO: DO NOT BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF OR YOUR EXPLOITS -- If you've succeeded in
portraying yourself as the perfect man, you've also succeeded in portraying
yourself as a bold-faced liar. They know we're all idiots. Just be modest
and humble, and she may consider you less of an idiot than her
ex-boyfriends. On the same token, now may be a good time to relate a
personal tragedy. Tell her your last girlfriend died of breast cancer or
something (IMPORTANT: DO NOT tell her your ex-girlfriend died of clamidia).
THREE: KEEP BUYING HER DRINKS -- This one should be pretty much
self-explanatory.
STAGE 4: SEALING THE DEAL
By this time, you're both pretty knowledgable of each other (not to mention
pretty drunk). Now is your time to shine. Too many guys make the mistake
of using all their lines upon first glance of a woman. Stupid ass! Wait
until she's loaded, and your lines stand a better chance of working their
magic. Here's a novel approach; ask her what the best pick-up line she ever
heard was. Then top it. Example: If she says the best she's been offered
was "Your daddy must've been an astronaut, 'cause you're out of this world",
say "Your daddy must've been a donkey, 'cause you've got a fine ass". See?
Ingenuity goes a long way. Maybe all the way. If she giggles like a
schoolgirl, you done good. Now get a serious look on your face, and tell
her you'd really like to see her again. With all the alcohol she's
ingested, plus all the charm you've piled onto her, you stand a good chance
of "again" being later that night, in her bedroom. Now would be a good time
to make sure you've got some condoms. A not-so-wise man once said, "My cock
is rotting! My cock is rotting!". So be like Astar, and play safe.
STAGE 5: USE YOUR IMAGINATION
***********
This concludes our lesson on lovin'. I wish you all the luck in the world,
gentlemen, and I know you all wish me the same. Godspeed, soldier. And
hey... if you make it to stage 5, name it after me.
I'm Willie, and that's the way shit is.
Originally written February 13, 2000
Originally posted February 2002
It's a miracle! The long-lost Valentines' PV, not seen in years, has resurfaced. Some of you may remember the early days, when I had my weekly email newsletter. These newsletters contained the very first incarnations of PV, and only a couple were ever reissued, so to speak. In December 2001, I posted the Christmas edition on my old website, and followed two months later with this, the Valentine's Day Special. Unfortunately, some months later, Geocities ate the file, and I feared it was forever lost. Well, today I got an email from Chris Doyle, who was cleaning out an old email account, and miraculously still had the old newsletters on file. And so, children, we can finally relive the perverted magic that is... the Pissing Vinegar Valentine's Day Special. Enjoy.
*****
Here we are, kids... mere hours away from the most vomit-inducing of
holidays. The time of year where gushy preps spend insane amounts of money
on their sweethearts. No price is too high for the reddest of roses, the
shiniest of diamonds, or the richest of chocolates. I am speaking of,
naturally, Guarantee Your Piece Day. Hallmark would have you believe that
February 14th is all about showing your undying love and devotion to the
special person in your life. However, smart people (like your pal Willie
here) see through that thin disguise like the translucent teddy mom wore on
the night I was conceived. What February 14th is, in reality, is a day
where you buy a ton of sappy shit for your significant other in exchange for
the promise of sex on a regular basis over the course of the next 365 days.
Let's face it, guys; if you forget your sweetie on Valentine's Day, you can
be damn sure she'll forget how to give head (to you, anyway). So go ahead,
you lovestruck bastards. Lay out the bread, and she'll lay out the spread.
Now, for the singles... I haven't forgotten about you, as I am now
officially one of you. How in the hell do WE expect to be smoking in bed
(for all the right reasons) in just over 24 hours from now? Well, that's
gonna take some work. I mean, after all, girls who are single on
Valentine's Day are more than likely thinking about the guy who gave her a
cute and cuddly teddy bear 12 months ago, only to give her the heave-ho
right before her birthday (Sad but true: some guys just don't have the
prosperity level it takes to maintain a steady flow -- pardon the pun -- of
sexual activity). So, chances are, guys like us are at strike two before we
even button our shirts and slap on the Aqua-Velva (Note: you might want to
switch aftershaves). In the event, however, that the lady you've had your
eye on is open to a little of cupid's cruel archery, this guide is sure to
get you around the bases faster than Donovan Bailey on a sugar rush.*
* IMPORTANT NOTE: The following guide is a bunch of shit I'm making up on
the spot to try and be funny. The methods of mating used in this guide have
not been tested, and Willie assumes no responsibility in the event of
slapped face, drink-soaked crotch, or herpes. If any of this shit actually
works, I'll let you know. -W
STAGE 1: THE PREPARATIONS
What you wanna do is get all gussied up. I know you haven't spent fifty
bucks on swiss chocolate and stuffed animals, so why not take that surplus
over to the high-end men's clothing store and get yourself a slammin' shirt.
Recommended: Burnside, available at Jeans Experts. (NOTE: Don't even think
about wearing your new Burnside shirt to the Opera House, as I will be
wearing mine. If we're dressed like twins, that doesn't mean we'll get in a
threesome. Besides, you DO NOT want to see me naked.) After you've picked
your shirt, choose your jeans or pants carefully. The last thing you want
to do is show up in your 1987 Def Leppard jeans (aka The ones that look like
they've been fed to an alligator, shit out and re-eaten by his brother). Be
neat. This gives women the false impression that you are an organized man,
and therefore a good choice for a mate. Go ahead, take out the dress pants
you last wore at your great-uncle's funeral in 1995. Just make sure they
still fit, you Burger King loving bastard. Next stop: the shoes. Do not
overdo the shoes. If you show up with shoes so shiny the club lighting
makes your feet look like an acid trip, you are officially obssessed with
yourself as far as she is concerned. By the same token, perhaps you could
try not shaving. Not only does this make you look a pinch more rugged than
you are (No matter what they say, ladies do not dig babyfaces), plus you
won't have to worry about nicks, you clumsy fuck. Otherwise, your hair
should be presentable. Feel free to slick it back a bit, but don't bother
buying shares in Dep; It's a fine line between James Dean and Pee-Wee
Herman. Now that you're all studded up, let's go over the approach.
STAGE 2: CLUB ETIQUETTE
When you walk into the club, do not... repeat, DO NOT STRUT! If you
exuberate too much confidence in your future endeavours, those endeavours
will most likely consist of your Pamela Anderson poster and a bottle of Keri
lotion (not that I've ever done that). Just walk like you always do (Note:
If your name is Quasimodo, disregard the last statement; you're filthy rich
off that Disney movie, and therefore can fuck anything you want). Keep your
head up, and if you pass a fine lady look her in the eye, smile and give a
nod on your way by. Remember: groping a complete stranger is very, very
bad. It's important, however, to gauge her reaction. Here are some common
reactions and what they mean to you:
A. "Hi." -- If accompanied by a smile, she's open to your advance, and may
slow dance with you if asked later... if you're lucky, you might even be
able to cop a feel. If accompanied by a frown, she's obviously heartbroken,
and there to get drunk. Try again in an hour. If accompanied by a blank
stare, she thinks you said "High".
B. "Fuck Off!" -- Grab her ass. She may act like a bitch, but deep down
inside she knows that she's never gonna get laid with that attitude, and
eventually she's going to have to settle for something, and hey! It might
as well be you. If this approach is unsuccessful, buy her friend a drink.
C. The Man Checker -- You may have never heard it termed as such, but you're
familiar with it. The lady leans her head back, takes a quick (.2-.5
seconds) glance downward, and looks back up. This woman is looking at your
penis. If she frowns, your pants are too loose in that region, and she
would have appreciated checking the condition of your Gretzky rookie card
before buying it (ladies will not understand the analogy, but I know the
guys are with me on this one). If she smiles and her eyes grow wide, she
likes what she sees; way to go, poncho... now you've gotta keep the
balled-up sock in there all night. If she smiles and lets out a horrific,
sqealy laugh, you've left your fly open; obviously, she now knows about the
sock.
D. "I've been waiting my whole life for a man like you" -- This usually
signifies one of two things. a) You've been struck by a stray bullet from
Puff Daddy's glock, and have indeed dies and gone to heaven, or b) This
girl's been drinking since the 11th.
E. "Will you buy me a lemon gin?" -- She's 13. Get out now.
F. "Do I know you?" -- This is the girl you tried to pick up while going out
with her best friend. You are three seconds away from getting a beer bottle
smashed over your head. Let this happen. Your intense pain and suffering
will draw sympathy from about a dozen girls who don't know what a disgusting
pig you really are.
STEP 3: WHAT TO DO ONCE YOU'VE REELED HER IN
Congratulations, slick. The lady of choice has given you the privilege of
sitting with her at the table. Keep this in mind: She doesn't own that
table. If she wants to find another, she will. So don't fuck up now.
Statistics show that 83% of all pick-up attempts fail in Stage 3. This is
no time to ask her if those are real; play your cards right here, and you
may get to feel for yourself later. Most guys freeze up at this point of
the journey, as if they were trying to climb Everest only to run out of
oxygen five metres from the top. You're lucky, though, cuz you've got
Willie's advice memorized. This is, in actuality, the simplest part of the
process. There are only THREE THINGS that you MUST DO to finalized the
deal:
ONE: MAINTAIN CASUAL EYE CONTACT. Important: DO NOT STARE!! When she's
saying something that you think may be important to her (i.e. hair, shoes,
or her mom), go ahead and gaze into her baby blues. She may even believe
that you are interested in what she's saying. But know when to draw the
line. For example, if she stops talking, that's your cue to glance at
something other than her pupils. Do not look at her breasts. (Helpful hint:
This may also be a cue for you to say something. Don't talk about
wrestling. Unless she brings it up, of course.)
TWO: DO NOT BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF OR YOUR EXPLOITS -- If you've succeeded in
portraying yourself as the perfect man, you've also succeeded in portraying
yourself as a bold-faced liar. They know we're all idiots. Just be modest
and humble, and she may consider you less of an idiot than her
ex-boyfriends. On the same token, now may be a good time to relate a
personal tragedy. Tell her your last girlfriend died of breast cancer or
something (IMPORTANT: DO NOT tell her your ex-girlfriend died of clamidia).
THREE: KEEP BUYING HER DRINKS -- This one should be pretty much
self-explanatory.
STAGE 4: SEALING THE DEAL
By this time, you're both pretty knowledgable of each other (not to mention
pretty drunk). Now is your time to shine. Too many guys make the mistake
of using all their lines upon first glance of a woman. Stupid ass! Wait
until she's loaded, and your lines stand a better chance of working their
magic. Here's a novel approach; ask her what the best pick-up line she ever
heard was. Then top it. Example: If she says the best she's been offered
was "Your daddy must've been an astronaut, 'cause you're out of this world",
say "Your daddy must've been a donkey, 'cause you've got a fine ass". See?
Ingenuity goes a long way. Maybe all the way. If she giggles like a
schoolgirl, you done good. Now get a serious look on your face, and tell
her you'd really like to see her again. With all the alcohol she's
ingested, plus all the charm you've piled onto her, you stand a good chance
of "again" being later that night, in her bedroom. Now would be a good time
to make sure you've got some condoms. A not-so-wise man once said, "My cock
is rotting! My cock is rotting!". So be like Astar, and play safe.
STAGE 5: USE YOUR IMAGINATION
***********
This concludes our lesson on lovin'. I wish you all the luck in the world,
gentlemen, and I know you all wish me the same. Godspeed, soldier. And
hey... if you make it to stage 5, name it after me.
I'm Willie, and that's the way shit is.
A CLUE!
So, I'm surfing the net tonight, and I decide to pop over here to see if anyone's signed my guestbook. And, lo and behold, there's an anonymous post, and a cryptic one at that. All it says is, "78 days..."
Weird. I'm trying to figure out what it could possibly mean. I did the math from today's date, and 78 days from now is Tuesday, June 29. The date only means two things to me. It's a) the one year anniversary of seeing the mighty Pearl Jam live, and b) the projected release date for The Tragically Hip's new album.
Maybe it's something else entirely. I don't think it's anyone's birthday that I know, and I'm not sure of any major events happening on that day. At any rate, it's a good head scratcher, and I do so enjoy scratching my head. More clues, please!
So, I'm surfing the net tonight, and I decide to pop over here to see if anyone's signed my guestbook. And, lo and behold, there's an anonymous post, and a cryptic one at that. All it says is, "78 days..."
Weird. I'm trying to figure out what it could possibly mean. I did the math from today's date, and 78 days from now is Tuesday, June 29. The date only means two things to me. It's a) the one year anniversary of seeing the mighty Pearl Jam live, and b) the projected release date for The Tragically Hip's new album.
Maybe it's something else entirely. I don't think it's anyone's birthday that I know, and I'm not sure of any major events happening on that day. At any rate, it's a good head scratcher, and I do so enjoy scratching my head. More clues, please!
April 8, 2004
PISSING VINEGAR Vol. 39: THREE APPLES HIGH
(Yes, this really IS a PV!)
Okay, here's the situation...
Is it just me, or is the modern music scene turning into a junior high dance? I mean, hell, it's always been common knowledge that the music industry's number-one target demographic has been teenaged girls (which makes me wonder about all those old men in suits), but ever since Britney experienced her well-publicized growth spurt, every bright faced, shiny eyed teenage girl who can carry half a tune is finding herself with a record contract. And let's face it folks, it's getting pretty pathetic when you have a hard time naming a female star of any Disney-produced TV series that DOESN'T have a deal with a major record label.
Between Avril, Hilary, Lindsay, and all the others, a self-respecting soon-to-be-28-year-old man like myself is starting to feel really dirty if he watches Muchmusic for more than five minutes, because these pint-sized primadonnas are fucking everywhere! Whatever happened to the days when girls this age were relegated to Mini-Pop duty? Now, we're putting them center stage, handing them fifty backup dancers and a headset, and telling them to smile for daddy. It's fucking sickening.
And hey, it wouldn't be so bad if a couple of them actually had talent. But they're all the same fucking person to my ears, with a few very subtle differences to throw the public off. Think about it; Avril was the anti-Britney, and sold a fuckload of records. Hilary Duff was the innocent child, and sold a fuckload of records. Fefe Dobson was the black one, and didn't sell nearly as many records as Avril or Hilary. Linsay Lohan is the Hilary Duff copycat, and thus providing the few teenage girls without a record deal an antagonist, a "bad Hilary", if you will (as if a "good Hilary" ever existed).
I say, we throw all these teens into one band, and let them have their year and a half of fame, a la the Spice Girls, so they can fade into obscurity, and we can see a few decent videos on TV for a change. Because, realy, that's all that can be expected. The fact that Britney and Christina are still popular today is either a fluke of the grandest scale, or a testament to the belief that, if you indulge enough retirement-age fantasies in your videos, you CAN get those geezers out of the rocking chair and into the record store.
So kids, when you're blowing grey-haired executives for a guest spot on a sitcom in 10 years, don't fret; this is merely the way pop music works. You were a product, mass marketed to your very peers. Those same girls you taunted as you left them behind for a life of fame and fortune. Those same girls who chose an education over a free ride, and actually made something of their lives. Those same girls who will be happier and more successful than you could ever dream of. Face the cold hard truth, girls; Mickey Mouse is a dirty old man, and you have been violated. See you on the cover of People; we all know how much they love a good old fashioned crash and burn tale.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm missing Lizzie McGuire.
Here endeth the ePISSle.
(Yes, this really IS a PV!)
Okay, here's the situation...
Is it just me, or is the modern music scene turning into a junior high dance? I mean, hell, it's always been common knowledge that the music industry's number-one target demographic has been teenaged girls (which makes me wonder about all those old men in suits), but ever since Britney experienced her well-publicized growth spurt, every bright faced, shiny eyed teenage girl who can carry half a tune is finding herself with a record contract. And let's face it folks, it's getting pretty pathetic when you have a hard time naming a female star of any Disney-produced TV series that DOESN'T have a deal with a major record label.
Between Avril, Hilary, Lindsay, and all the others, a self-respecting soon-to-be-28-year-old man like myself is starting to feel really dirty if he watches Muchmusic for more than five minutes, because these pint-sized primadonnas are fucking everywhere! Whatever happened to the days when girls this age were relegated to Mini-Pop duty? Now, we're putting them center stage, handing them fifty backup dancers and a headset, and telling them to smile for daddy. It's fucking sickening.
And hey, it wouldn't be so bad if a couple of them actually had talent. But they're all the same fucking person to my ears, with a few very subtle differences to throw the public off. Think about it; Avril was the anti-Britney, and sold a fuckload of records. Hilary Duff was the innocent child, and sold a fuckload of records. Fefe Dobson was the black one, and didn't sell nearly as many records as Avril or Hilary. Linsay Lohan is the Hilary Duff copycat, and thus providing the few teenage girls without a record deal an antagonist, a "bad Hilary", if you will (as if a "good Hilary" ever existed).
I say, we throw all these teens into one band, and let them have their year and a half of fame, a la the Spice Girls, so they can fade into obscurity, and we can see a few decent videos on TV for a change. Because, realy, that's all that can be expected. The fact that Britney and Christina are still popular today is either a fluke of the grandest scale, or a testament to the belief that, if you indulge enough retirement-age fantasies in your videos, you CAN get those geezers out of the rocking chair and into the record store.
So kids, when you're blowing grey-haired executives for a guest spot on a sitcom in 10 years, don't fret; this is merely the way pop music works. You were a product, mass marketed to your very peers. Those same girls you taunted as you left them behind for a life of fame and fortune. Those same girls who chose an education over a free ride, and actually made something of their lives. Those same girls who will be happier and more successful than you could ever dream of. Face the cold hard truth, girls; Mickey Mouse is a dirty old man, and you have been violated. See you on the cover of People; we all know how much they love a good old fashioned crash and burn tale.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm missing Lizzie McGuire.
Here endeth the ePISSle.
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