A Pissing Vinegar Update

So, it's 12:39 am as I start typing, and I'm going yard saleing in the morning, then working at 10. I shouldn't even be awake at this point, let alone posting on my blog. But, here I am, proving my undying devotion to you, the reader (not a general statement; I know there's only one of you left, but it was kind of you to vote on my poll 3 times).

I was skimming through some old posts, and came across last summer's PV in which I announced the boycott of Empire Theatres. Those of you who remember that may recall that gears turned, stuff was said, and I got to see "Halloween" (albeit a week late). The boycott was very short indeed, and if you haven't discussed the subject with me, you may be under the impression that everything is hunky dory between myself and Empire.

You're not stupid; you know I wouldn't be telling you this if that were true. And, having been reminded by my own boycott advice (which includes an update if developments happen), I decided it best to let you know that the boycott is alive and well.

After the "Halloween" incident, I thought that things might change for the better here in town. However, that's not the case. In fact, it may have gotten worse. I suspect that, because attendance numbers were low for "Halloween" (probably due to the fact that everyone had gone out of town to see it or downloaded it out of frustration), head office determined that genuinely horrific horror movies don't do good business. They must have determined a lot of things, because since then there hasn't been much of anything remotely edgy playing in that theatre. The last movie I saw while eating that wonderful, heart stopping popcorn was... "Halloween".

Now, going almost nine months without a visit to the theatre might seem like the kind of thing someone who refuses to pay for a movie ticket would do. Don't get me wrong, I hate Hollywood to death, but there are movies I want to watch. It just seems like my taste in movies isn't shared by Empire Theatres. And, I can understand not being able to watch something as twisted as, say, "Rec" on the big screen. But, when you can't watch "Cloverfield" on opening night, there's a fucking problem here.

That's right. Us, the supposed big city, didn't get "Cloverfield" on opening night. Think about that, and keep in mind the hype that movie got. I wanted so badly to see that movie opening night, and those chump ass fuckwads couldn't deliver, despite the fact that it was a PG-13 flick (they're usually all over non-violent horror). That's when I rekindled the hate.

So, I've been actively boycotting Empire Theatres (again) since January 18th. Since then, the theatre has not gotten a lot of other movies that a lot of other people wanted to see. "Diary of the Dead" wasn't that big of a shock to not get; "Harold & Kumar" was. It's to the point where they're so fluff-centric, we're not even getting edgy comedies. It seems as though if it's not a bonafide blockbuster or for kids or couples, it doesn't exist. As of this writing, there are 5 movies playing at Studio 5; two blockbuster adventures (Indiana Jones & Iron Man), a kids movie (Narnia) and two romantic comedies (Made of Honor & What Happens in Vegas). No sign of "Harold & Kumar" (playing in Moncton). No "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" (playing in Moncton). Admittedly, there isn't much out at the moment that's edgy; makes it a little difficult to prove my point. But, when you consider that every single movie playing in Miramichi is rated PG, you begin to understand what I'm talking about. This is made a little clearer when you dig a little deeper on what isn't playing.

"Harold & Kumar" is an R-rated flick. It's a "crude" comedy. Kind of like "Superbad", "Knocked Up", etc. We had those two movies. However, sometime in recent months, some wires must have gotten crossed, because crude has been ousted by cuddly around here. But why? You may have heard the same excuse I have; there are only so many reels to go around. Makes sense, I suppose. Except that there are currently 48 Empire locations (that aren't specialty or single movie theatres). "Harold & Kumar" is playing in 22 of them. Nearly half. And, nearly half of those are in Nova Scotia theatres. In fact, it's playing in four different theatres in the HRM (Halifax Regional Municipality, for those unfamiliar). FOUR. No spares to go around, I guess. And, just so I'm super clear on this, Miramichi (population 18,129) doesn't get the flick, but Amherst (9,505) and Bridgewater (7,944) do. Two copies of the flick being shown to a smaller population than my town.

It's so obvious now; when it's all spelled out, I completely understand. If you want quality R-rated entertainment, Empire Theatres has a seat waiting for you. That is, as long as you live in a major urban area and/or Nova Scotia. If not, you can go fuck yourself, because we could give two shits about what you dirty, smelly, backwards hicks want to see. Do the world a favour and either kill yourself or move to nicer area... like Amherst!

The next movie I watch in theatre will be "The Dark Knight". When it opens on July 18th, it will mark the six month anniversary of the reopening of my boycott. And, you know what? Six months is a pretty good run. I'll be sure to reflect on it all as I watch the credits roll... at the Apollo, a nice, independent theatre in Bathurst, just 45 minutes away that has a better track record for edgy movies than the fuckhole corporate monopoly. Even if it's playing here (which it will; it's a blockbuster), it'll be worth the extra gas money. I get the pleasure of knowing I'm no longer supporting a theatre that doesn't support me, and I get to eat at Wendy's.

With all that satisfaction to look forward to, why in the hell didn't I boycott you from the start?