Still Rolling...

When I was in college learning all about radio broadcasting, I was taught to beware the "false ending". As you may have assertained from this, a "false ending" occurs when a song fades or stops cold (read: ends) before the song is actually over. The prime example of this is Matthew Sweet's "Sick Of Myself", which stops, starts again, stops again, and starts again before finally actually stopping for real. Now, in these days of CDs and mp3s, a false ending is fairly easy to detect. If the song's four minutes long and it sounds like it's ending at 2:38, chances are that's a flase ending, and the song is about to kick in again. That, or there's a hidden track tacked onto the end (something not commonly found on any track except the last on a CD). As for me, I trained on carts (which are like 8-tracks, but not really) with no timers, and that song burned my ass a few times.

Now that we have that useless lesson out of the way, on to what reminded me of it all in the first place. As avid readers of the site (both of you) may have noticed, my Roll Up The Rim stats are tallying up again, rather than reading "final stats". This is because I experienced a false ending over the weekend. The Tim's I usually frequent on my way to work is pretty much the only one in my area that I didn't get coffee at on Sunday. And, at all of the places I got coffee on Sunday, no Roll Up cups were given. This led me to assume that all the Tim's had run out of cups, and I capped my Roll Up season there, after a strong start and a dreadful finish (for those who kept track, you'll recall I had a losing streak of over 40 cups going over a three week period).

Imagine my surprise when, upon returning to my normally scheduled Tim's en route to work Monday, I got another cup. And, not only that, but I also broke the streak! I'm now proud to say that I've won two coffees in my last three, and that I'm creeping back up toward the 1:9 winning ratio that I was so far ahead of before that brutal, winless three weeks. Of course, it will all be over tomorrow, now that I've taken the time to write all of this out.

At any rate, I thought I should point something out that I feel is semi-important. As meaningless as it's been to keep daily track of my winnings on some stupid annual corporate coffee drive (that's not blasphemy, fuckers, it's seeing the coffee for the beans), Roll Up The Rim has had positive effects far beyond maintaining a caffeine addiction that is ever approaching lethal levels. Throughout the last 7 weeks or so, this inconsequential task of keeping my Roll Up record has given me an excuse to update this blog on a fairly regular basis (read: as compared to the last five years, I've been updating at a breakneck pace). This keeps me posting, keeps me talking, and keeps me in contact.

I'll not beat around the bush here; I'm more aware than anyone that I reached an all-time low in isolation as far as keeping in touch is concerned. I don't know if it was any one event in particular or a whole bunch in a row, but sometime between January and December 2002 I lost pretty much everything and everyone I cared to lose. And make no mistake; it's taken a harsh and permanent toll on my mind. I know that I can never get back to the level of outgoingness (?) that I used to have. Too many brain cells died in the Great Emotional Flood of '02. Between all of the things I've discussed and all of the things I've preferred to keep on the low down, I went through enough bullshit during that year to be fatal to some (and yes, I'm not ashamed to say I thought about it).

The point is, I suffered a lot. I'm not asking for pity, and I'm not making excuses. All I'm saying is that after all of that, there was at least a moment that I didn't expect to speak to anyone ever again, let alone be typing this for anyone in the world to read. With that in mind, it's kind of funny and incredibly satisfying to me that something as simple as a coffee cup can reopen the connection we've lost. Now, through this blog and Facebook, I'm seeing people I haven't talked to in years reach out and offer themselves as friends. And, even if it's only a scheme to raise their numbers, it's still a hell of a lot better than saying no.

It's weird; I had no intention of rambling on like this. I was posting the coffee shit and going to bed. Now, I've got my heart on my sleeve, spouting blood and burger grease all over the keyboard... and I'm smiling. I'm so emo.

Hey, that reminds me... new Pissing Vinegar coming soon. Good night, all.