Okay, seriously... what's wrong with me?!

Don't get used to such frequent updates, I'm sure it's some kind of weird chemical imbalance that made me update three times within a month or so. Everything will be back to normal soon.

Anyway, I figured it's been a while since I posted some good old random-ass thoughts.

* I ate at McDonald's tonight. After imposing upon myself a quasi-boycott a couple of months ago, I actually drove over there and gave them my money. And, Goddamn it, it feels... wrong.

* Christmas shopping is well under way. I've got the kids about half bought for; beyond them and Carrie, most everyone else is taken care of, more or less. Although I must soon get blank CDs so I can actually get to work on Year in Rock 2006. I'm thinking fifteen copies this year. Oh, and if you don't know what the Year in Rock 2006 CD is, chances are you're not getting one. Suffer!

* Speaking of suffer, my poor baby girl kitty P.J. was pissing blood a week ago. Turns out it was mostly caused by stress (just like last time). Randall (my baby boy kitty) is constantly harassing her, biting, tackling, chasing... Coles Notes: Randall won't let P.J. chillax. Interestingly enough, another contributing factor to stress in cats is rearrangement of furniture.

* Last time I checked, Carrie loved rearranging furniture.

* No wonder P.J. is always coming up to me and meowing. She's saying, "They're after me! You've got to save me! Please! You're the only one I can trust!"

* Over four years removed from the radio business, and I don't miss it a bit. I do wish my former place of employment would just close up shop and get it over with, though. The other three people who've inadvertently heard a few seconds of the normal broadcast day can tell you, the ship it is a-sinkin' when it comes to "talent".

* Everything is better in HD. I'll watch anything in HD. Since we got our new set, I've watched probably four or five hours of college football.

* I fucking hate football.

* The only thing better than watching something in HD? Watching something in HD while wearing a pair of Carrie's new glasses.

* I need glasses. I think it's because I'm old now. That, or it really does make you go blind... by which I mean whacking off when I was a teenager. Don't laugh. The majority of you did it at least as often. Know how I know? Most of you are wearing glasses as you read this.

* Do I really have to sing the praises of American beer? No, I do not. And, I am in no way implying that my new favorite beer is Miller Genuine Draft. Stupid, tame ass, smooth, easy going taste.

* Gift certificates: when you don't care enough to know what they like.

* Time for the big finale...

The End.

Holy Crap, It Happened Again!

By which, I mean, updating this thing. Hell, if this keeps up, I might actually have to let people know it's here or something...

So, I just spent a couple of hours reading over my older writings, and I had a revelation during one of the classic Pissing Vinegars. I won't copy and paste it (or bother looking it up, for that matter), but I believe the line was something like, "fuck you in your musty ass with an acid-dipped kendo stick".

That's when it hit me. I have lost it. Absolutely, completely fucking lost it.

"It", of course, being my creative spark. I just can't come up with shit like that anymore. And, I have to wonder, what happened? Did I burn out too many brain cells on the heavy metal music? Did that whole writer's block episode cause permanent damage to my wit? Was it that dramatic and overblown "I'm going to become a better person and speak out on social issues" shit? Because, looking back, every Colin, Dick and Bush was playing that game in '04. Sure, I care about global warming, the state of our economy and the impending nuclear holocaust, but do you see me in the streets of Washington D.C. with a burning effigy? I might be stupider than I used to be, but I know for a fact that it's much safer to rage against global injustice in an electronic forum, as opposed to within range of sniper's bullets.

I know... it's the mental stability thing. Of course! The whole time I was cranking out those witty, relentless tongue lashings, I was under a certain amount of stress. I was harbouring animosity in some form or another toward my environment. Face it; when I wrote those things, even though I tried my best to keep it humourous, I was pissed off.

And, I know, on occasions it got to a point where it stopped being funny (sometimes it never started being funny). When I wrote about the bank, I'm sure that deep down inside, I really wanted to firebomb the damned place. McDonald's, Sobeys, NB Power, the hospital, Bobby Clarke... the reason I wrote about these things is because they did something to make me unhappy.

It's so obvious. I'm providing less wit and vitriol simply because I'm happier than I was back then.

So, if you're waiting on a slew of new Pissing Vinegars, fuck that. I'll be trying my hardest not to come up with more of those. But, if you still feel like dropping by from time to time, I'll try not to be as anti-social as I once was.

I know, it's not the most entertaining shit I've ever written. Then again, it's not 2001 anymore, and my job isn't to entertain.

I'm just trying to keep in touch.